You'd think Peyton Manning would be happy with his Super Bowl ring, numerous lavish endorsement deals, and the adulation of Hindi children everywhere. Not so. Now he wants to win a gold medal, and has prepared a pitch for the unwashed masses. We're unwashed because he's never endorsed soap, you see. Peyton, through a weird little group called "WePlay," is looking to add America's Game as an Olympic sport. Wink wink. And it's hard to argue with his finely-tuned rhetoric, referring to American football's exclusion as "completely bogus." Look at the passion he puts into reading those cue cards; you can tell he really wants that gold medal!

Now you may say that many countries don't play football. But that makes it even easier then, right?

Well, checkmate to you, Dr. Manning. I'm sure the IOC will bow to your logic and push your silly petition through in no time. If it's any consolation, I hear that Oreo-licking is scheduled as an exhibition sport in London for 2012. Get cracking, Peyton. That tongue's not gonna train itself. Because people like the Olympics...[More Handy Than Capped]