What hath T.J. Simers wrought?: Lisa Guerrero: Model, actress, reporter ... sports blogger. We think our work is done here. [SbB] That's older than John McCain, BTW: Hall-of-Famer Ernie Banks and his wife have adopted a 1-week-old baby. Ernie Banks is 77. That means when the child is graduating from college, the Cubs still won't have been back to the World Series. [Where Awesome Happens] In other Chicago adoption news: Juan Uribe bought a 23-foot-long boat, but can't be bothered to pay the storage fees or even pick up the dang thing from the guy he bought it from. No wonder Ozzie Guillen is questioning his ability to show up in a big watercraft. [Machochip] Duck, Duck, Moose?: Canadian football has different rules about everything—including touchdown celebrations. Do you think Chad Johnson is laughing or kicking himself because he didn't think of this first? [YouTube, via The Meaningful Collateral, via With Leather]