You'd figure that Page Six would have surveillance video of the alleged Eli/Abby lapdance like they did for Antonio Pierce. Alas.

But Pierce, whose muscular chest and steely-eyed glances apparently make one Midwestern boy's heart all aflutter, (Yeah — who says he hates black people?), wasn't at Tenjune nightclub that night according to the paper.

Those G-men who were in attendance included Shaun O'Hara, David Diehl, Amani Toomer, Brandon Jacobs and Kevin Boss. Oh, and 28-year-old Eli, fresh-faced and gawky, apparently getting a crotch-grind from his wife Abby, while Beyonce's "Single Ladies" blared. Who in his party got j-mop duty? Probably O'Hara.

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