The English are legendary for their politeness, but this is ridiculous—below is a real letter that was sent by Middlesbrough FC to their own fans, scolding them for being too darn loud.

It seems that other fans at the stadium have been complaining about the noise and the constant standing (it's a fire hazard!) that make it very difficult to watch this solemn and dignified sport in peace. Now, I've never been to a Premiere League match, but I was under the impression that anytime you made it home without being tear-gassed would be considered a successful night at the stadium. But this letter is seriously asking that fans only stand and cheer after a successful goal, and then quickly return to a respectful seated silence. What do you say, chaps?

"this constant noise is driving some fans mad"

By the way, Middlesbrough is one point out of last place and in danger of being relegated to the lower division, but I'm sure the two matters are not related.

Boro fans ordered to sit down and be quiet [The Spoiler]