I saw this this ungodly little tchotchke at Standings Bar in the East Village, one of the best places to watch sporting events in NYC. I tried to buy it for $40. The owner refused.

At Standings, they have all sorts of weird sports-related memorabilia hanging all over the place. It's almost like a Man Cave Museum: old pennants, random jerseys, crinkled newspaper articles, etc. But most pathetic was this Stephen A. seat cushion, hanging near the front door. Remarkably, the owner wouldn't sell it to me even though I assured him that it would be for a good cause. (Lied.) But he has his principles and implied that any removal of even the most random, useless object from his tiny, dirty bar would result in some sort of Feng Shui fuck-up of epic proportions. If anyone else happens to be in that bar anytime soon, steal this for me. I'm still decorating my apartment.