Made uncomfortable by Martellus Bennett's Black Olympics? Maybe the Summer Redneck Games are for you! They're being held today just off of Boatramp Road in East Dublin, Ga.

They've got a full day of events planned, from "12:30 - 1:00 Lance Stinson Band" to "9:30 - 10:00 Fireworks The End" and everything in between. What's in between, you ask, while simultaneously booking your last-minute flight to Middle George Regional Airport? I'm glad you asked.

First up is redneck horseshoes, which I assume is much like regular horseshoes while a second-rate comedian makes jokes at your expense as a red-state audience laughs because they look down on you, but secretly, they're dying a little inside because they see some of themselves in your quirks.

After bobbin' for pig's feet, a watermelon seed spitting contest, and the mudpit belly flop comes something called the "armpit seranade[sic]." Entertainment, or competition? Both, my friend. Both.

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And don't go home yet, because "8:30 - 9:00 This is the main Band will play till after Firework."

$5 admission, no glass bottles. And it goes without saying there are no Winter Redneck Games.


Y'all get set for a belly floppin' time at the Redneck Games [Macon Telegraph]