Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
•Lou Holtz is contemplating a run for Congress. Obviously he just wants out of his ESPN analyst deal so he can update his Twitter again.
•For only $29, you can buy standing room only tickets to Cowboys games! Problem is, there's no standing section, you've just got to mill about the stadium and hope security doesn't ask you to move.
•The numbers tell the story: moving the 3-point line back hasn't changed the rate of threes taken, or made. This means crappy teams with a 150-lb white guy who can shoot will continue to make it to the Sweet 16.
•Pistons rookie has bet with porn star to see who can be the first to 4,000. That's 4,000 Twitter followers, not sexual partners.
•LA Times goes ahead and predicts a Dodgers-Angels World Series. So instead of 28 fanbases not caring about baseball the last week of October, it'll be 30.
•Here it is, the definitive Tiger Woods career timeline, in graphic form. As expected, lots of happy Tiger faces and piles of money.
•San Diego releases Mark Prior after a "lack of improvement." He hasn't improved in six years, he probably wasn't about to get good by September.
Now go put the coffee up. Wednesdays can be rough.