Why does baseball hate America? America is beer, and baseball hates beer-lovers.

I have not observed or participated in a sporting event in person, with the exception of an insane competitive game of super-homo water volleyball last weekend, which, OMG, and also a couple of dumb media league softball games (I believe I did bat in a double), since the 1984 Los Angeles Olympics field hockey.


(I am old.) So I had no idea that you sports fans were getting JACKED. $8.75 for a goddammned beer in San Francisco's "AT&T Park"? What is that beer made of, frankincense and ground-up elves? Recent actual math conducted by the Wall Street Journal correlates these outrageous beer prices with winningness, and finds: "A team with a .600 winning percentage charges, on average, about $1.30 more for a 16-ounce beer than does a team with a .400 percentage." But doesn't that just screw the fan? Don't winning teams, eventually, earn better than loserdogs? At least the most beer-screwed attendee, ounce per ounce, is at Fenway Park, where everybody can suck it.