Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

•Adam Wainwright blamed Matt Holliday's oopsie on him "losing it in the towels." (Seriously.) Cole Hamels could have, but didn't, blame it on the baby. Boston has no excuses.

•The SEC Commish says he sees no reason for a "public hanging" when officials make bad calls. Instead he prefers the Soviet style, in which they are taken into a soundproof room and shot behind the ear.

•Tony Romo says he won't let his critics beat him with words. He did not say he won't let his critics beat him with game-changing interceptions.

•The US's World Cup qualifier against Honduras tomorrow won't be seen on American television. If Jozy Altidore scores, and no one would be watching it anyway, does it make a goal?


•Just when the Patriots find a solid number one RB — bam! Torn ankle ligaments for Fred Taylor. Any disappointment is mitigated by the fact that the standard Fred Taylor contract is for four games.

•J.P. Losman finally lives up to the hype; too bad he did it in the UFL. He threw for two touchdowns and (Super Bowl champion!) Dede Dorsey rushed for two as the Las Vegas Locomotives win the inaugural UFL game.

•Courtesy of the Global Sports Fraternity, fullbacks are born, not made: