This job, unlike many others in "sports media," provides plenty of absurd scenarios on a weekly basis. But this one, involving Jose Lima's ex-wife, Melissa, thrusts us headlong into Eugene Ionesco territory.
You see, Ms. Lima emailed this site last Wednesday night in an effort to help provide you, boob-ogling reader of the fortnight, with more photos of herself:
Since some people are still obsessed with wondering why there are only one or two pictures of Melissa Lima, I thought I would share a couple more...
Being the intrepid truth-seeker that I am, I first inquired whether this actually was the top-heavy mystery woman who tickled the internet's fancy with her busty patriotism so long ago.
Come on, Melissa. This isn't really you. If it is, this is like finding Big Foot and the Loch Ness monster all at once.
Funny! What kind of Proof do you want?
I have no idea! It's just, well, odd. And what are you Googling yourself or something?
(No shame if you are. I'm doing it right now. Not Googling you, but, you know, ME. Because I'm vain.)
And I thought you and Jose were separated? Wasn't that a rumor? Or something?
I don't know. I'm confused.
Anyway, call this number 917-854-3630 and say my name in Spanish or something: A.J. Daulerio.
Well, I stopped googling myself years ago but I decided to google Jose to see if I could see where he was at right now...No, we are not together anymore. He owes me child support for like two years and It's getting old. BTW, my sister and I used to be obsessed about what people would write about me! Crazy!! I even got asked to do a five page spread in FHM magazine, but turned it down. Stupid me! I guess they were getting lots of letters requesting me. I will call you manana and say anything you want in spanish...well, not anything.
You can now tell your online peeps that you found something better than the loch ness monster ;)
Off to bed...
And, of course, she called the next day and left a message. If she could roller skate, she'd be up for an internship at Deadspin.
But, for now, let's help her find Jose Lima. Deadspin I-Team...assemble!