We continue our year-by-year look back at the decade with the year 2005, back when REO Speedwagon was topping the charts, back when George Clooney was just that weird guy from "The Facts Of Life." Simple times.
George W. Bush begins his second term as President of the United States. Johnny Carson dies. The Eagles finally win the NFC Championship Game. Auburn finishes the season undefeated, but USC beats Oklahoma to win the BCS "title." Randy Johnson, on his way to his first press conference as a member of the New York Yankees, shoves a cameraman. Presidents Clinton and Bush Sr. raise money for tsunami relief together.
Unable to come to a labor agreement with the players, the NHL cancels its season. Ossie Davis and Max Schmeling die. The New England Patriots win the Super Bowl, and Donovan McNabb pukes. An earthquake devastates Iran. North Korea says it has nuclear weapons. President Bush asks for $81.9 billion in Iraq funds. Hunter S. Thompson kills himself.
A man named Brian Nichols kills three people in an Atlanta courthouse and escapes, taking a hostage and ultimately surrendering when the hostage "appealed to [his] better nature." Dan Rather retires. The US version of "The Office" debuts. Congressional steroid hearings commence, with Mark McGwire saying he wasn't here to talk about the past and Sammy Sosa pretending he didn't speak English and Rafael Palmeiro totally lying. Bernie Ebbers of WorldCom is found guilty of securities fraud. Congress intervenes in the case of Terri Schiavo, who had lived in a vegetative state for 15 years, before her feeding tube is finally disconnected. Johnnie Cochran and Mitch Hedberg die. Illinois makes a wild comeback against Arizona in the NCAA Tournament, cheered on by an orange-clad Bill Murray.
Pope John Paul II dies, and Joseph Ratzinger is installed as his replacement. Andrea Dworkin and Sam Mills also die. North Carolina beats Illinois to win the NCAA championships. A train in Osaka, Japan, derails, killing more than 100 people. Prince Charles remarries. Peter Jennings informs ABC viewers that he has lung cancer. Zacarias Moussaoui pleads guilty to murder but denies that he is the 20th hijacker. Eric Rudolph admits he was the Atlanta Olympics bomber. Tiger Woods wins The Masters.
Lyndie England pleads guilty. Deep Throat turns out to be an elderly, borderline senile W. Mark Felt. Danica Patrick debuts at the Indianapolis 500. Carrie Underwood wins "American Idol." Tony Blair is re-elected. "Family Guy" returns to the air. Tom Cruise jumps on Oprah's couch, because he is really, really in love.
Vice President Dick Cheney says the Iraq insurgency is in its "last throes." Gawker Media's gambling blog, Oddjack, is launched with editor A.J. Daulerio. Canada and Spain legalize gay marriage. Phil Jackson returns to the Lakers. Kenny Rogers — the pitcher, not The Gambler — assaults a cameraman. Anne Bancroft and George Mikan die. SEC chairman William Donaldson resigns. Chuck Klosterman's "Killing Yourself To Live" is published. The Spurs beat the Pistons to win the NBA Finals. Mike Tyson fights for the last time, quitting in the seventh round against someone named Kevin McBride. Mayor Michael Bloomberg's plan to build a stadium for the Jets in Manhattan is officially defeated. Michael Jackson is cleared of molestation charges.
Sandra Day O'Connor retires, and President Bush nominates John Roberts to replace her. Shortly after being awarded the 2012 Olympic Games, London is attacked by terrorists. The NHL and its players reach agreement on a new contract. Wade Boggs, Ryne Sandberg and Peter Gammons enter the Baseball Hall of Fame. The Knicks hire Larry Brown. The New York Times' Judith Miller is jailed for refusing to give up sources. Lance Armstrong wins his seventh consecutive Tour de France. Luther Vandross dies, as does the guy who played Scotty on "Star Trek."
Katrina hits New Orleans. "Six Feet Under" runs its final episode. (Everybody dies, including Gene Mauch and Peter Jennings.) Rafael Palmeiro tests positive for a banned substance and is suspended. Jessica Canseco poses on the cover of Playboy and informs the world that her ex-husband Jose had small testicles. Al Gore's "Current TV" station launches. Vanilla Ice releases his "Platinum Underground" album, featuring the hits "Ninja Rap 2," "Trailer Park Mullet Wars" and "Tammy Faye." Cindy Sheehan camps outside President Bush's ranch in Crawford, Texas. Sports blog Deadspin launches, with its first post, "Stuart Scott Could Be Yours For $25 Grand (Plus Shipping!)."
New Orleans sinks into chaos, Kanye West informs us that George Bush doesn't care about black people, Anderson Cooper is full of careerist outrage and Brownie is doing a heck of a job. Woody Paige eats dog food on live television. Hurricane Rita hits the Gulf Coast. Simon Weisenthal, Chief Justice Rehnquist and Gilligan die. Britney Spears gives birth. The New Orleans/Oklahoma City Hornets, or NOOCH, take the court. Afghanistan holds elections. Bill Simmons' "Now I Can Die In Peace" is released. Roger Federer beats Andre Agassi in the US Open Finals. Jerry Rice retires.
54,000 people die in an earthquake in Pakistan. "The Colbert Report" debuts. Kyle Orton bears down. Albert Pujols destroys Brad Lidge. The White Sox win the World Series. Ben Bernanke replaces Alan Greenspan. The American death toll in Iraq reaches 2,000. Scooter Libby is indicted. Charlie Weis and Notre Dame almost beat USC, but they don't. Theo Epstein escapes the Boston press by wearing a gorilla suit and sneaking out of Fenway Park. President Bush nominates friend and non-judge Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court. Rosa Parks dies. Several Minnesota Vikings commit scary, libidinous acts on a boat around Lake Minnetonka. The St. Louis Cardinals play their last game at the old Busch Stadium. Deadspin opens up its comment section, by invite only.
Two Carolina Panthers cheerleaders may or may not have been making out with each other in a Tampa bar's bathroom. Pat Morita and George Best die. The Eagles tell Terrell Owens to take the rest of the year off. Angela Merkel is sworn in as the first female president of Germany. Clinton Portis starts wearing costumes to press conferences. Scott Stapp releases a solo album. Major League Baseball changes its steroid punishments: 50 games for first offense, 100 games for second, lifetime ban for third. ESPN hosts a series of fake press conferences with fake GM Steve Phillips taking fake questions from real ESPN reporters.
Iraq holds elections. Will Leitch's "Catch" is released. Richard Pryor dies. Tookie Williams is executed. Johnny Damon signs with the Yankees. Tony Dungy's son commits suicide. The New York City transit strike paralyzes the city. Oprah goes on Letterman's show. The New York Times reports that the NSA has been spying on American citizens. Gambling blog Oddjack is closed and sold by Gawker Media. The Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals play their last game at Sun Devil Stadium. The September 11 Commission says the country is "alarmingly vulnerable to terrorists." The "time to make the donuts" guy dies.