Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

•"The Foot ball The 49ers Team has The excitement of the bear, the velocity of the deer and strenght of the buffalo.

"That is reason why the great Football Team in San Francisco is called the "49ers" Them the Baseball Team got is name THE "Giants" because of The big buildings so that is now be teams got their names."

•On a frigid night in Cleveland, the only thing colder are the Steelers' playoff aspirations. A putrid 13-6 loss to a putrid Browns team, and Tunison spent the night feeding the trolls. Go tell him how sorry you are that his team will have to go at least two years between titles.

•Boston pulled out another win. Orlando, not so much. Not to put too much emphasis on one night's result, but if these two teams keep up the paces they set tonight, the Celtics will finish the year 61 games ahead of the Magic. Take that analysis, Hollinger!

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•From the tempting fate department, Tony Romo is back as the holder for field goals and extra points. Relax, Cowboys fans, there's very little chance of a blown playoff kick this year. Why? San Diego, New Orleans, Washington and Philadelphia, that's why.

•Chad Ochocino is getting into a war of words again, this time with a mascot. He and Ragnar have been going back and forth ahead of this weekend's Cincy/Minnesota game, and while it's all in fun, being crippled in a Viking battle seems the only logical way for someone like Ochocinco's career to end.

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We've got our last SHOTY nominee going up this afternoon, but don't be surprised to see him pop up in a post or five before that.

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