Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

ā€¢Matt Stover will retain Colts kicking duties into the playoffs, making it possible for Adam Vinatieri to win a Super Bowl ring by sitting on the bench for 60 minutes. As opposed to every other kicker, who can win a ring by sitting on the bench for 59:30.

ā€¢The Hall of Fame is still deciding whether Andre Dawson will have a Cubs or Expos cap on his plaque. I was about to say the Expos could use something, anything to get excited about; but then, so could the Cubs.

ā€¢Plaxico Burress's request for a work release was turned down, meaning he'll spend at least another six months in prison. That would spring him in the Eagles count as a work-release program?

ā€¢A newspaper report has Aroldis Chapman headed to either the Angels or Blue Jays. Considering it's a Toronto newspaper, bet on him picking the Angels.


ā€¢For those of you who are sick of Nick Saban's creepy unsmiling face, take some pleasure in seeing him get nailed in the face with the Gatorade jug.


Now that Bowl season is over, NFL playoff season can officially begin. What wacky things will Rex Ryan say today? We wait with baited breath.