Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
•Shaquille O'Neal's bright idea: round up LeBron, Kobe, VC and hold a dunk contest, with half the winning prize going to Haiti. Better than that other absurd idea: round up Shannon Brown, Nate Robinson and Gerald Wallace and call it a dunk contest.
•Jim Calhoun will take a temporary leave of absence from coaching for an undisclosed health issue. UConn, meanwhile, is taking a season-long leave of absence from the national rankings for a disclosed losing issue.
•Tim Lincecum drew a $513 dollar fine for his driving-while-toking arrest, on the same day he asked for $13 million in arbitration. While he's playing with house money — that's 25,340 more pot busts before he breaks even — I wouldn't put it past him.
•Funny Or Die has a new video with a diehard Trojan fan imploring Pete Carroll not to leave USC. He really ought to be expending his energies imploring Lane Kiffin not to leave USC.
•Says Kimbo, "Had dinner with one of the best that ever did it, and I dont mean Roy( Thats Elton John btw)." Where is this? Why are Slice and John hanging out? Who is Roy? The world may never know.
(Update: Or, I might get about 30 emails telling me it's Roy Nelson, who defeated Slice on his way to winning The Ultimate Fighter season 10.)
A good Wednesday to you and yours. Make it through and we're halfway home.