Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
* Deunte Heath, Internet. Internet, Deunte Heath. Heath was nabbed with nine other johns in an Orlando prostitution sting and WFTV has a slideshow of his whole humiliating arrest. Heath was "indefinitely" suspended by the Braves, who weren't too happy with how their young hurler decided to spend his Thursday night in Orlando while at spring training.
* Reporter: Jon [Scheyer], you talked about you're aware of the team's reputation for a meltdown and that you guys were on a mission [interrupted by Krzyewski] why don't you talk about …
Coach K: I will kill you with an icy stare because I disapprove of your hyperbolic question. [LarryBrownSports]
* Minor league "A-Pole" fans fight the powers that be. [ArgusLeader]
* The British do not withhold judgment against Tiger Woods, but at least they still smile about it:
Good late morning. Fuck me. It's cold again.