Since one horny couple decided to sully Cowboys Stadium with their filthy, filthy bathroom sex last September, there haven't been many other drive-by humping incidents ruining sporting events. Until now. The Chicago Tribune's John Kass has the terrifying story.
Kass sets up the scene thusly: Chicago. Opening Day. Spring. America. The perfect opportunity for Dr. Paul Nemeth, 45, to create a timeless memory with his 6 year-old son at the young lad's first White Sox game. It was a Ray Kinsella moment in the making, that is until Nemeth took his son to the bathroom and stumbled upon a couple splayed out on the floor having sex. And, boy, is he mad:
The toes were pointing up," said Nemeth. "The legs were shaking and quivering. From a visual standpoint, all you had to see was the legs quivering to know something was going on...."So I kicked the door, just to get a reaction. I just wanted to make sure nobody was dying in there. That's when I heard a woman's voice yell, ‘HEY, STOP!' Something was going on and I had interrupted."
Moments later, the stall door opened, and a tall, thin, blond man exited. The tall man held his arms up in triumph.
"His arms were straight up, like in victory," Nemeth said. "Everybody was hooting and hollering and giving high-fives."
Then a second person left the stall, someone Nemeth described as apparently female, "scurrying" out of the restroom with a shirt or coat over her head.
"It was disgusting. Probably the most disgusting thing was the encouragement this guy received from the other guys in the bathroom. You can't even go to a baseball game anymore without being subjected to this?"
Was this an isolated incident? Or has America just seen the beginning of a sports stadium fornication outbreak that will get progressively worse as the season continues? It's the latter, I (hope) fear. Baseball stadium bathroom-boinking could be the 2010 version of the Kenny Powers jersey. Be on the lookout.
Sexual Hijinks [The Awl]