Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
* I sure hope this Cubs fan lost a bet or something, because don't think his schoolmates will have forgotten this by September. [Friendly Blogfines]
* Dick Vitale attended the Rays game last night and got hit in the stomach by a foul ball. Are the nation's college basketball players aware that you can do that? [Video @ MLB.com]
* I don't care what Martin Kove says—there's no way I'm seeing that new Karate Kid movie. Mercy is for the weak. [SRI]
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We're just hours away now. I can almost taste the tear gas....