In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like Susan Finkelstein, who offered sex for baseball tickets, and just went live with a new blog featuring her sexual fantasies of the 1980 Phillies. Especially Larry Christenson. Yuck.

Credit (or blame) goes to The 700 Level for finding this one, and sharing it with the world. Yes, her blog is called "Rounding 3rd With Susan Finkelstein," and yes, it is a Blogspot, and yes, it is all you could have hoped for.

[I]n the bathtub each evening, using a technique cribbed from my sister's copy of The Sensuous Woman, I closed my eyes and masturbated by positioning myself under the running faucet, on my back with legs spread, thinking mainly about tall blond pitcher Larry "L.C." Christenson, although I believe most of them eventually got a turn.

Even Greg "The Bull" Luzinski? Even Larry Bowa? Even Pete Rose? Even Tim McCarver? Ew ew ew ew.

At night, as I lay in bed replaying the highlights of that day's game, my thoughts inevitably turned to the players "teaching me a lesson"; in the dark of my Northeast Philadelphia bedroom, the long pillow in the carefully ironed pillowcase was transformed into each Phillie, who, one by one, forced himself on me, rough and hard and smelling like Spray and Starch.

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We're not fully sure what the purpose of this blog is. Finkelstein is on probation for a year for the curious charge of "attempted prostitution," and probably ought to stay away from both baseball and sex for the duration. Or even just for our sake. We're going to keep checking her blog out of professional obligation, but we really aren't ready for the inevitable Shane Victorino/Jose Contreras slash fiction.

Rounding 3rd With Susan Finkelstein [Blogspot]