Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
• Former Montreal Canadiens enforcer Georges Laraque says he "just want[s] to improve people's health and change the world." So, he was named a deputy leader of Canada's Green Party.
Hopefully, that pesky thing about bringing Haiti into his getting-released conversation has blown over. [The Globe and Mail]
• The Yankees third-baseman adds a second asterisk to his 600th home run: "The way I am swinging now it's going to take a while. Everybody get comfortable. A home run? I'll take a hit-by pitch, a bunt single, an error. Just get on base." [New York Post]
• Did a North Jersey columnist tweet that he doesn't know how Yankees president Randy "Levine gets any work done, all he does is leak info to reporters all day" but then scurry to take said tweet down? The nation's GTL region demands to know. [H/T lenNYsYankees.com]
• As was foretold by Mandalay Bay's Giant Pacific Octopus on Thursday, Juan Manuel Marquez retained his lightweight belts with a unanimous decision over Juan Diaz. [Las Vegas Review-Journal]
• Some guy named Flo Rida joined the They Hate Me Party by writing "We Already Won," an ode to the Miami Heat. His presumed inspiration: Landing an invitation to hang with LeBron in Vegas on the condition that he doesn't write a song about all the pantyless ladies they see. [The Sporting Grave]
• Oh look, Jerry Jones is contradicting himself left and right, and right and left. [Dallas Morning News]
• What's more historic: Being the first Chinese-American player drafted into the NFL or presumably writing the first "Wang ready to make an impact" headline? [MPNNow.com with a H/T to JovanJ]
• And finally, from the "Hickey's Biased Coverage Files," never one to be outdone by the Phillies' Brad Lidge blowing another victory to a walk-off home run, the Cubs' Sean Marshall serves up a cycle-clinching, game-ending home run. ... Also, Eagles' mute DeSean Jackson got hurt and Villanova's Scottie Reynolds is going to take his talents to Lazio, Italy.
It's Sunday. It's Sunday. It's Sunday. Just a little nip in the 'ead don't mean nothing. Let's do this.