Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
• Steadying himself with the stumps of his arms, he was advancing at a constant speed in good weather, and had been accompanied by dolphins for part of the crossing. Croizon swims at around three kilometers (two miles) per hour, slightly slower than the four or five kilometers per hour that an able-bodied athlete might achieve. [FoxSports]
• Former University of Tennessee football coach Phil Fulmer has a question about Lane Kiffin: "How does a guy like this end up with two jobs with historic football teams like Tennessee and USC?" [ESPN.com]
• Troy Tulowitzki has hit 14 dingers in 15 games. He also hunts rhinoceros with his bare hands. [DenverPost.com]
• "I can't say definitively that Washington quarterback Jake Locker's afternoon was the worst regular-season performance ever by a quasi-serious Heisman candidate on national television. ... But for a guy who'd already been 'etched in stone' as the No. 1 overall pick next year, it might have been ugly enough to cost him a little bit of money." [Yahoo Sports]
• CC Sabathia won his 20th game of the season. It was against the Orioles. Hence, the "Pirates of the American League" asterisk. [YahooSports]
• Shane Mosley and Sergio Mora "fight" to a draw, get booed. [ESPN.com] Good thing we have Mayweather/Pacquiao to fall back on. What's that, he (allegedly) beat his baby mama up in front of his baby son? Great. [Las Vegas Review-Journal]
• The International Cricket Council has "launched an investigation into a 'certain scoring pattern' which emerged during Pakistan's victory. ... According to The Sun, the latest allegations emerged after the paper was notified of calls between a Dubai-based match-fixer and a New Delhi bookmaker." [TheAustralian] (H/T Tombuan)
• Rodney King wants a piece of Mike Tyson. Don King to insist Tyson don LAPD gear. Oh, shut up; 18 years is not too soon. [RadarOnline]
• Doesn't sound like Heat coach Erik Spoelstra really knows how to use LeBron James quite yet. [Miami Herald]
• Brian Cashman wants A.J. Burnett to go out and get another black eye. But will Burnett tell anybody how he gets the next one? [NewYorkPost]
• Did Jon Gruden flip out on high-school refs? [JoeBucsFan.com]
• As a result of their sex-abuse scandals and whatnot, all non-athlete members of USA Swimming must now pass a criminal background check [AP].
• And, finally, from the "Hickey's Biased" coverage files … Kyle Kendrick's a better-than-.500 pitcher [MLB.com]. The Cubs can finish .500 if they win their next 14 games [ESPN.com]. The Fightin' Blue Hens starting QB was out this week, so a freshman just ran for 200 yards [News Journal]. I didn't stay up to see the end of the Notre Dame game, but this photo from Mcstug (when seen bigger) seems to indicate Michigan State cheated via expired play clock.
Sunday. Let us play.