Earlier today, I scuttled over to 8th and Broadway in Manhattan. The goal: ask Jose Canseco if he'd gotten his "chandeleers" back. Was it a success? Yes. Yes, it was. As much as anything involving Jose Canseco can be called a success.

Working off a tip from Gawker.TV's Matt Cherette, I set off to Famiglia Pizzeria—which is what Sbarro would be if Sbarro ever stopped hanging around Ohio rest areas—to sneak into a filming of Celebrity Apprentice. News broke recently that Canseco had joined the cast, so I tore out of Deadspin HQ with my trusty FlipCam—which went unused—my phone, and a burning question about light fixtures.

Upon arriving, it was clear that other rubberneckers had similar intentions. However, they were occupied with getting pictures of Gary Busey or Li'l Jon—each doing different variations on the old carnival barker type. I knew the man I wanted to see, and I found him: tucked away inside, making pizzas.

Then, the moment of truth: I stepped up to Mr. Canseco and asked my question.

Apologies for the blurry and shaky video. I do wish that I had gotten a clearer picture, one that shows the unbelievable sadness in Canseco's red eyes. Had he heard me the first two times I asked about the chandeliers and hoped I would merely turn away? Had he been exposed to onions? Had David Cassidy given him a playful cup check? Had the humiliation of appearing on Celebrity Apprentice already dawned on him? All these questions will remain unanswered, unless of course I watch the show. But like Jose Canseco's umpteenth comeback, we all know that's not going to happen.