Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

• Blake Griffin did this last night:

• Oh, look. Cleveland is still driving stakes into its wrists.

• Larry Brown stepped down as coach of the Bobcats. He will now have more time to do what he does best, which is pretend not to be interested in coaching again.

• Watching the Illini's final minute last night against Missouri was like watching a man find new and successively more impressive ways to jam his head up his ass.

• Boise State got its participation ribbon.

• The "I Have Pretty Feet episode," as The New York Times has dubbed it, is now a media-sanctified "distraction," which is my favorite meaningless sports-scandal term of art.


• "Let Φ (a physical possibility structure) be a set of distinct but intersecting paths ji – jn, each of which is a set of functions, L's, on ordered pairs (), such that for any Ln, Lm in some ji, Ln R Lm, where R is a primitive accessibility relation corresponding to physical possibility understood in terms of diachronic physical compatibility," David Foster Wallace once wrote.

Screengrab via Tom B.

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Good morning.