Pity the world won't get to see the Dog Killer vs. Dong Slinger battle of repugnance tonight but this is what happens when old men hit their heads.
So, instead, Joe Webb will bring all his rowdy friends to Tuesday night to the disappointment of the thousands of Chinese people who've been waiting outside the Linc since Sunday, biding their time doing advanced calculus problems in the piles of thundersnow.
Thankfully, Mike Vick will keep them entertained. Here's my stats prediction for the Greatest Football Player In The Universe Ever: 567 yards passing, 342 yards rushing, 9 TDs.
Bark into the netherworld below all night, children.