Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
•What an awful time for this WHL linesman to lose an edge:
•Someone posted renderings of the Nets' new Brooklyn arena outside the Nuggets' locker room, where Carmelo Anthony could see them. In his head? Nah. Melo went for 37 points, but Denver fell easily to New Jersey. Just 24 more days until this nonsense ends forever.
•Washington is 0-24 on the road. The Cavs have lost 21 straight. In two weeks, the Wizards come to Cleveland. Don't worry, I'm sure they're be a Legionnaire's Disease outbreak or something that prevents either team from winning.
•Troy Polamalu was named Defensive Player of the Year, by two votes over Clay Matthews. Guess you could say he won by a hair. Sorry, I'll fire myself now.
•Continuing their quest to win the 2003 World Series, the Yankees sign Freddy Garcia to a minor league deal. Just need to lock up Mark Mulder and they'll have one hell of a rotation.
•I truly enjoyed this story of a man tackling "Pucky the Whale," an AHL mascot, if only for the final two grafs:
Pucky was greeting young fans in the stands near section 105 Saturday night when O'Connell tackled and punched the whale, police said.
Dozens of upset parents who witnessed the attack helped Hartford police officer John Zweibelson and XL Center personnel find O'Connell, who was hiding in section 206.
Hey look, it's February.