A selection of stories from the week we had consensual sex with our girlfriends.

A BYU Grad On Brandon Davies, Sex, And The University's Double Standard | To understand what happened to Brandon Davies, you have to understand the purpose of sports at BYU. They're a missionary tool. I think there are certain people in the administration who want to kill athletics altogether. Despite what Jim Rome and Pat Forde might think, the school wasn't making any kind of serious sacrifice here. This kind of politicking is so much more valuable than a Final Four run. BYU can say: "'Look at us. We're not like the rest of the world. We're not like other universities. We stand by our principles." It's all a part of spreading the faith, and Brandon Davies is being used to that end just like a kid at Kentucky is being used to win basketball games. (Anonymous BYU Alum, as told to Luke O'Brien)

The Messy History Of Charlie Sheen's "Winning" Ring | As part of his relentless media odyssey this week, Charlie Sheen introduced himself to Twitter with a message that had a Chappelle-esque, "Kiss the rings, bitches" quality to it. It was an image of Sheen's shimmering 1927 World Series ring that was once worn by another winner with an equally insatiable appetite for showgirls and booze: Babe Ruth. (Pete Nash)

What These New Patrick Kane Photos Tell Us About Fame And The Perils Of Drinking Beer Through A Straw In Public | These are previously unseen photos of Patrick Kane and a pair of fellow Blackhawks celebrating with the Stanley Cup last summer. To be clear, there is absolutely nothing wrong with celebrating the greatest accomplishment in the sport, and they can't be criticized (except perhaps for drinking Bud Light out of the Stanley Cup with a straw). But while it's fun to look at photos of athletes, or any celebrities, getting drunk and partying, the telling part of these pictures is how we got them. (Barry Petchesky)

Lockout With Your Cock Out | We explained a federal judge's hugely important ruling against the NFL, and we offered a gentle reminder of who the real shitsucking halfwits are. Meanwhile, the NFL and the NFLPA delayed the inevitable.

Strap In For Helmetcam Video Of This Terrifying Downhill Bike Course | This video's actually from the 2010 Valparaiso Cerro Abajo race through the narrow, mountainous streets of Valparaiso, Chile. But we're just seeing it now, and you need to see it too. Grab your Dramamine. And go watch this one, too, while you're at it. (Barry Petchesky)

Six Degrees Of NBA Separation; Or, Why Buddha Is The Center Of The Basketball Universe | You all know the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon game. Some of you may even be familiar with the Erdős number, which uses authorship of math papers to measure the "collaborative distance" between a person and the mathematician Paul Erdős. I applied this same type of thinking to sports and went looking for the Center of the NBA Universe. What I found, in the end, was Buddha and Moses. (Ben Blatt | HSAC)

This Is What Happens When A Woman Goes On Jim Rome's Show | ESPN.com contributor Amy K. Nelson was a daily guest on ESPN's Jim Rome Is Burning this week. Here's how the Twitterverse responded. (Emma Carmichael)

Requiem For FanHouse: The Fantasy Sports Girls Mutiny | FanHouse ceased to exist as an independent identity March 1, being swallowed up by the Sporting News. After many years of excellent work and one of the finest writing staffs ever assembled, we thought we'd recall the site's finest moment: when some higher-up decided sex sells, and the writers revolted. (Barry Petchesky)

The Buzz Bissinger-Mark Cuban Twitter Fight, Transcribed And Animated | If you haven't read Buzz Bissinger's column for the Daily Beast about white fans and race in the NBA, you might want to. It's become quite the talked-about piece, mainly because Mark Cuban called out Bissinger about it on Twitter. We thought it best to recreate the ensuing Twitter exchange using cartoon bears, one of them wearing a gimp suit. (Luke O'Brien)

There Is A Pau Gasol Impersonator For Hire At A Bargain $600 Per Hour | We give you Michael Fanter, a guy who has kind of made a name for himself by kind of looking like Pau Gasol. (Kate Shapiro)


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Editor-in-Chief: A.J. Daulerio | Senior Editor: Tommy Craggs | Writers: Barry Petchesky, Luke O'Brien | Contributing Editor: Drew Magary | Night/Weekend Editor: Brian Hickey | Video Editor: Emma Carmichael | Contributing Artist: Jim Cooke | Intern: Jack Dickey | Video Intern: Kate Shapiro | Moderators: Comment Ninja Squadron