A selection of stories from the week we shushed our co-anchors.

Bill Simmons, Malcolm Gladwell, And The Dirty Secret Of The MIT Sports Analytics Conference | Shortly after 9 a.m. Friday, in a big gray conference room in a big gray convention center, 1,500 people-mostly white, mostly male, mostly clad in business suits-roar with laughter. Jeff Van Gundy, the former Knicks and Rockets coach and current ESPN analyst, has just cracked wise. Jeff Van Gundy has called Bonzi Wells fat. Welcome to MIT's Sloan Sports Analytics Conference. (Jack Dickey)

Tom Brady Dance Party! | On Tuesday, footage emerged of a be-ponytailed Tom Brady being getting his goofy white guy on in the streets of Rio. But the few seconds weren't really enough to really capture the essence of dancin' Tom. Consider this our contribution to the institution of sports journalism. (Barry Petchesky)

Let's Stage A Citizen's Intervention. Here's Charlie's Sheen's Phone Number. | We got a hold of Charlie Sheen's cellphone number (one of them, at least) and distributed it to some people who were desperate to contact him. Then it occurred to us that everyone seems desperate to contact Charlie Sheen these days. So now you can, too. (AJ Daulerio)

Serena Willliams's Scary Injury, And The Weird Way The Tennis Media Show Their Affection | Serena's most recent round of medical woes - a hematoma caused by a pulmonary embolism, which required emergency medical treatment last Monday and which will sideline her indefinitely — brought out plenty of skepticism in the media, with maybe a hint of the usual grievance that Serena is a malingerer who holds herself at a haughty remove from the sport and its press. Nothing that is said about her seems to bother her, and that bothers the media to no end. (Emma Carmichael)

Celebrating OSU's Scandal: An Ode To College Football | A two-game suspension for Jim Tressel, plus the program throws him under the bus by releasing emails distancing themselves from the situation. And this isn't going away even with the self-imposed punishment: we get to spend days and weeks debating Tressel's future (and listening to his profound pauses) while the NCAA goes through its own re-investigation. (Barry Petchesky)

Boom Goes The Student Sportscast: America East Report Is Uncomfortable, Hilarious | There is a lot going on in this America East basketball report from the University of Hartford's student-run TV station — so much, even, that tipster Christopher declares it "the next boom goes the dynamite." There's no instant catchphrase in this 30-minute segment from anchors Brendan Marshall and Darius Wilmot — just a lot of terrible, extended pauses and delays, and some immortal analysis from Wilmot. (Emma Carmichael) Plus: Great Moments In Sportscast Train Wrecks

The Devil In Tampa: Remembering The Penny-Pinching, Snack-Policing, Nut-Cutting Days Of Vince Naimoli | In his new book, author Jonah Keri covers the rise of the Tampa Bay Rays under the stewardship of two Goldman Sachs alums and a private equity banker, who in 2008 managed to do to the rest of the American League what some of their former colleagues were doing to the U.S. economy. Before their arrival, however, there was Vince Naimoli, the Rays' founding owner, a man too cheap for email. Here's an excerpt from Keri's book, The Extra 2%: How Wall Street Strategies Took a Major League Baseball Team from Worst to First.

A Bad Night In Newark, Redeemed By A Single Punch | The fights Saturday night were in Newark. Not in the actual stadium, the Prudential Center, but next door, in a big, boxy, white warehouse where the New Jersey Devils practice. The ice rink was covered with a green, turf-like carpet that wasn't quite sized properly, resulting in large carpet waves that presented a serious tripping hazard. The atmosphere wasn't "international title fight" so much as "high school JV basketball game." (Hamilton Nolan)

Let's Look Back On Idiot Columnists Celebrating Tiki Barber's Brave, Brave Retirement | Tiki Barber is unretiring from football. Because hey, who couldn't use a media whore running back who talks shit out of the locker room and will be 36 by the time the season comes around? But before we celebrate Tiki trying to make his child support payments, let's all remember the collective handjob the media gave Barber for walking away from the game five years ago. (Drew Magary)

Patriots Safety Brandon Meriweather Accused Of Shooting Two Men During Brawl | Follow Deadspin's reports on Patriots safety Brandon Meriweather's alleged involvement in a shooting at a house party in Apopka, Fla. The story broke early Thursday morning; Luke O'Brien provided additional updates after speaking to the victims' attorney and to the Orange County Sheriff's Office. (Luke O'Brien)

Earthquake Coverage From Around Gawker

Japan Earthquake Strikes: Full Coverage [Gizmodo]
Update: The Latest Earthquake and Tsunami News [Gawker]
I survived Japan's massive earthquake [Jalopnik]
How to Prepare for and Survive a Disaster [Lifehacker]
Earthquake Crisis Brings Out the Best In Japan's Gaming Greats [Kotaku]
Bleacher Report Uses Japan Earthquake As Excuse For Sports Slideshow [Deadspin]


Have something to share? Check out the tips forum or email us at tips@deadspin.com.

Follow Us

We're on Twitter and Facebook. Won't you stalk us?

Your Deadspinners

Editor-in-Chief: A.J. Daulerio | Senior Editor: Tommy Craggs | Writers: Barry Petchesky, Luke O'Brien | Contributing Editor: Drew Magary | Night/Weekend Editor: Brian Hickey | Video Editor: Emma Carmichael | Contributing Artist: Jim Cooke | Intern: Jack Dickey | Video Intern: Kate Shapiro | Moderators: Comment Ninja Squadron