A selection of stories from the week we joined TEAM CHI OMYGOD.

Self-Proclaimed Jersey-Chasers Bring UNC Hoopsters To Sorority Formal, Warn Sisters First | Last night was Spring Formal for the UNC-Chapel Hill chapter of the Chi Omega sorority. And three of the lovely ladies landed as dates three of the members of the basketball team: Harrison Barnes, John Henson and Kendall Marshall. I know, right? But knowing that their sorority sisters might have trouble keeping themselves under control, they took it upon themselves to send out an email on the chapter listserv, with a helpful list of ways to keep from embarrassing themselves and their organization in the face of omigod basketball players. (Barry Petchesky)

Gregg Easterbrook Puts The Final, Retarded Exclamation Point On Obama's Bracketology-Gate | Is there any rational person in the universe who truly believes that the president sat there one day and was like, "I need to explain to Congress why I bombed the shit out of Libya. On the other hand, this bracket is due in an hour. PRIORITIES!" No. No, he didn't. The two things have nothing to do with one another. (Drew Magary)

Timing The Trots For Six Famous Home Runs; Or, Bo Jackson Will Blow Your Mind | A side effect of maintaining the Tater Trot Tracker has been a greater appreciation for the art of the home run trot, how each one is different despite the identical paths and the similar emotions involved. As we celebrate Opening Day and the start of a new season (and a new Tater Trot Tracker), I thought I'd run some of baseball's greatest home runs through the tracker. (Larry Granillo)
ALSO: The Tater Trot Tracker

Sad Jayhawk Has "Absolutely No Regrets" About Being Sad Jayhawk | Before he was Sad Jayhawk, Matt Rissien was just another superfan: going to away games, wearing a costume, posing with luminaries like Erin Andrews and Scot Pollard. But, thanks to the vagaries of the universe and an alert cameraman, he's become more: a symbol of fallen hubris. A Crying Duke Kid or Weepy Tebow for a new generation. (Barry Petchesky)
PREVIOUSLY: Sad Jayhawk Is Your VCU/Kansas Commemorative Keepsake Poster

How To Throw A Knuckleball, Starring Jim Bouton | This is the first of an occasional video series in which someone good at something doable teaches you how to do it. Today we have Jim Bouton, former major leaguer and author of the great Ball Four, demonstrating his old signature pitch, the knuckleball. (David Matthews and Matt Toder)

India, Pakistan, And The Hopeful Futility Of Cricket Diplomacy | Ping-pong diplomacy was left in the '70s. Béisbol diplomacy got its chance in the 1990s and wound up being just a fancy name for players on one side attempting to defect to the other. This is a new century, however. This is the century of cricket diplomacy. (Barry Petchesky)

College Pitcher Throws Perfect Game, Gets Mentioned In Seventh Paragraph Of Eight-Paragraph Game Story | Will Roberts of UVA threw a perfect game yesterday, only the 19th in D1 history and the first since 2002. But you wouldn't know it if you read the recap from George Washington University, which came out on the losing end of the feat. (Barry Petchesky)
ALSO: We Heard From The Robot, And It Wrote A Better Story About That Perfect Game

Was Scott Howard Actually Better Than Teen Wolf? A Statistical Investigation | The debate over Teen Wolf is at bottom a debate over the soul of basketball, and that's one reason even people who are not Bill Simmons talk about the movie today. Let's just state the question plainly. Who, statistically speaking, was the more effective basketball player in the end: the ball-sharing 5-foot-3 Scott Howard (played by Michael J. Fox) or his ball-hogging monster alter ego, Teen Wolf? (Alexander Koenig | HSAC)

Yes, Somebody Yelled "Konnichiwa Bitches" During A Moment Of Silence At The Meadowlands Last Night | In a nice gesture before last night's USA/Argentina international-friendly soccer match at New Meadowlands Stadium, people were asked to honor a moment of silence for victims of Japan's quakenami. One of the nearly 79,000 attendees figured it was a good idea to yell "Konnichiwa, Bitches" amid the silence. It wasn't. Dickhead. (Brian Hickey)

Coach K, Please Shut Up (Also: Jalen Rose Arrested For DUI) | We do some Duke-hating around these parts. And maybe a hair too much of it, if you ask no one. I mean, hey, Duke lost to VCU in 2007 in the first round, before it was cool. But stories like this remind us why they are the Dookies and no one else is. (Jack Dickey)


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Editor-in-Chief: A.J. Daulerio | Senior Editor: Tommy Craggs | Writers: Barry Petchesky, Luke O'Brien | Contributing Editor: Drew Magary | Night/Weekend Editor: Brian Hickey | Video Editor: Emma Carmichael | Contributing Artist: Jim Cooke | Intern: Jack Dickey | Video Intern: Kate Shapiro | Moderators: Comment Ninja Squadron