The Law Student's Super-Intense 35-Year-Old Boyfriend: "I made an ass of myself and worst of all I made an ass of the one person that I love the most." READ »

The Angry Kickball Captain: "What was that? Seriously, did you guys just think you could show up and win? That was pathetic. Again, pathetic. I know we kid around a lot and try to have fun and a good time, but what is the point if you guys aren't even going to try?" READ »

The Vigilant Defender: "It's a joke. I won't be there tonight and will continue to not be there until someone besides us starts caring before the goddamn 5th inning. I don't even care if this makes me mean or bitchy. I haven't even gotten a goddamn shirt." READ »

Send Us Your Bitchy, Overwrought Rec-League Emails

We've gotten only a handful so far. That's pathetic. What's the point if you guys aren't going to try? You know what we're looking for. Email to tips@deadspin.com.