Your morning roundup for May 31, the day we crashed our souped-up snowmobile at a barbecue.
What we watched: A website front page, oddly enough. George Dohrmann's long-awaited piece on Ohio State was finally given an ETA. That bred a whole bunch of people, just reloading SI's site over and over again, starting an #SIpieceislatebecause hashtag on Twitter. With the timing, it was like a miniature replay of the night Bin Laden was killed, and waiting for the press conference — we had a pretty good idea of what we were about to learn, but damned if we didn't want to hear it ourselves, down to the gritty details.
Two separate spheres from my personal Twitter feed came together in anticipation. Journalists, because Dohrmann is deified for being the last sports writer to win a Pulitzer. College sports fans, because they're nothing they love more than seeing a school go down in flames. But come to think of it, the media side also relishes a program crumbling due to the work of one of their own. To that end, Tressel's resignation just 12 hours earlier had been the best advertisement the piece could have had.
At precisely 8:53, the article went live. There was no one single bombshell, like the dead hooker we were secretly hoping for, but instead something like death by a thousand cuts. It's an immaculately reported dossier that Dohrmann and David Epstein have put together, a pattern of shady business under Tressel's watch going back to the '80s. (The man rigged a raffle for summer camp kids. Seriously.)
SI told OSU what they had on Friday, and while stalling for time, the school told Tressel to resign or be fired. He resigned. Tressel wasn't done in by any particularly evil transgression, nothing more than allowing his players to profit from their efforts on the field, which isn't really so bad when you think about it. But worse than violating any actual by laws or crimes is becoming a liability to your program. Jim Tressel became too toxic, and that's bleaker for his employment prospects than any specific wrongdoing could be.
What we're watching: Selections from the Crate & Barrel wedding registry for Tony Romo and Candice Crawford:
Salsa stripe orange dish towel
Small gravy boat
French fry holder
10 oz. margarita glass
Duet sugar and creamer set
Virginia punch bowl
Set of 4 Triana Plate Yellow 7.75"
Blank Embossed Placecard Set of 24
Acacia Wood chip & dip
If whatever procedure Bartolo Colon had isn't illegal, maybe it should be: "Through 8 starts and 11 appearances over all, Colon has shown a remarkable capacity for endurance, a product of his efficient approach. And as long as he continues throwing 95 miles an hour in the ninth inning, which he reached on his 103rd and final pitch Monday, the Yankees will continue to believe - and hope." [NY Times]
The Twins should probably just call it a season: "This was the situation: With two outs and the game tied, Peralta was safe on an infield single. Then Avila lined a slicing double to left that a fan touched in the area of seats that juts out near the line.
The umpires conferred about the play and their decision - which resulted in the ejection of Twins manager Ron Gardenhire - was that Peralta would have scored if there had been no interference. [Detroit News]
Mocksession turns muckraker: "It didn't take an eagle eye to recognize immediately that IZOD Presents Hot Wheels Fearless at the 500 was not, as ABC would have you think, a reality program about the preparation for the real-life jump that happened hours earlier, but instead was a fictional program about turning Hot Wheels matchbox cars and tracks into real-life things." [Mocksession]
Ray Rice's day at the beach: ""He was very approachable-played catch and tackled our kids and friends on [the] beach. Great guy." [Patch.com]
Mike Matheny, always making headlines: "I don't think you legislate," Matheny said. "I think you just put a mark in the column that that kid took a run at a catcher. To me as a catcher I know the next time I get the ball I'm going to stick it to him." [AP]
Sepp Blatter is somehow running unopposed now for FIFA president: "Fifa's president, Sepp Blatter, has faced down a barrage of criticism over corruption within football's governing body and vowed that only "the Fifa family" could prevent him being re-elected unopposedon Wednesday. After a day of high drama in which Qatar threatened legal action against Fifa's secretary general, Jérôme Valcke, for implying it had bought the right to host the 2022 World Cup, Blatter defiantly insisted there was nothing for Fifa to investigate. ‘Crisis? What is a crisis?' asked Blatter." [The Guardian]
Visualizing the relative age of NBA playoff teams: "We asked J.O. Applegate of Bouncex3.com to 'bring his talents' to Hoopism as a guest artist to help us illustrate average team age adjusted for minutes played in the 2011 NBA playoffs. … The number on the bottom left is average team age adjusted for minutes played, while the number on the bottom right is the Bouncex3 human lifespan age (think dog years) for the team." [Hoopism]
This seems on the up-and-up: "A Mount Vernon elementary school principal used a padded hockey stick to deliver birthday spankings to his students, according to complaints that Linn County authorities are investigating. Complaints about Principal Terry Eisenbarth's birthday "whammies" at Washington Elementary School are also under review by school board members." [Des Moines Register]