A fella by the name of Justin Dale Little Jim allegedly busted into the MVC Couples Boutique (Lingerie & More) in Woodbridge, Va. early Tuesday morning. By the time police arrived along Jefferson Davis Highway, the front door was busted and more than $200 worth of "merchandise" was already in Little Jim's ride. Little Jim was nowhere to be found, though.

So, they turned their dog on the place.

And the pup found Little Jim — whose day job is apparently "officer in the Army" — wearing ladies unmentionables, in a closet, where he was tapping some blow-up doll ass. Mind you, this blow-up doll was available for sale in said store, but Little Jim had no intention of paying.

Cold.

He's a user. Thinks he can take what he wants. No regard for anybody else's feelings, their pain, their yearning for love. That's why I just called and had a nice chat with a woman who works at MVC.

Told her I wouldn't mention her name, and we quickly got to discussing MVC's blow-up doll inventory. She said many are, in fact, modeled after specific pornographic actresses, "but I don't know which one he had exactly." She said the crowd has not slowed down in the wake of this burglary because "nobody's scared or anything like that."

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Then, she offered this spot-on analysis: "I just don't know why he thought he had to come in and try to steal it. I mean, they're reasonably priced. Some are $250, but the one he had was only $150. He should've just paid for it."

As in, if he just had to cop a free feel, at least get the pricier handful, right? "Exactly." Exactly.

Police find burglar with blow-up doll in Woodbridge sex shop [Inside Nova]