Adjectives offered by Deadspin staff to describe the pig's balls: Large, weighty, absurd, massive, ponderous, colossal, tumescent, tumorous, pendulous, prodigious, balls heavy with hot pig bloatum. A.J.'s mostly concerned with the eggplant-sized poop. We all wonder if the pig might be sick, and we are concerned.

Note: photo has been cropped to protect the identity of the pig.

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Please stick around, we have all kinds of fun going on for NFL Opening Night. Hickey will be your emcee.