The football season is almost six-seventeenths over. That's almost half a season. Which is almost a whole season. Football is basically over, OK? Let's talk about it down below.

Philadelphia at Washington (FOX): The sharks are circling the Eagles, which has absolutely terrifying implications for the rest of the animal kingdom and the world at large. With everything that's gone on in Boston with the baseball team, I'm kind of hoping the Eagles continue to sink just to see how the Philly media will try to out-lunatic Boston.


San Francisco at Detroit (FOX): It's hard to pinpoint just what, exactly, is the most ridiculous part of this John Clayton 1st and 10 (football reference!!) article. Maybe it's that both Detroit and San Francisco are being discussed as playoff contenders. Or maybe it's that John Clayton is talking about the "impact" of a football game being played in the third week of October. Oh, no. Here's the most ridiculous part: "Ninety-four of [Alex Smith's] 126 pass attempts went 10 yards or fewer in the air, according to ESPN Stats and Information. None of them have been intercepted, which is the key to Harbaugh's offense."

St. Louis at Green Bay (FOX): The Packers are just playing at a different level than the rest of the NFL. Meanwhile, the Rams are also on another level. We'll leave it to St. Louis fans, however, to determine whether the imagery of "levels" here is a reference to the transience of Purgatorio or the soul-crushing perpetuity of Inferno.

Carolina at Atlanta (FOX): Fictional Character Associated With the Region Game Simulator is back after a much needed bye week. This week we've got Sheriff Andy Taylor matched up against Scarlett O'Hara. After 10,000 simulations, FCAWRGS tells us that the good ol' Sheriff marches right into Atlanta and lights Scarlett up. She didn't know where she was going or what she was doing.


Indianapolis at Cincinnati (CBS): While other teams may have all the name brand players like Revis, Asomugha, Lewis, Reed and even Mr. Spinny McSpinnerstein himself Dwight Freeney; The Bengals are allowing just 279.6 yards per game, the lowest in the league. I think they have that guy with the crazy hair. So do the Colts, though and he's got an over 100 QB rating in his two starts.

Buffalo at NY Giants (CBS): I have no idea what to make of this game. On paper, it seems like it should be a pretty good game. Which means we will wind up with a game roughly as exciting as Eli Manning's personality. Here's some Half-Baked I Play An Expert On TV analysis: Buffalo has got to come back down to Earth at some point, seems as good a time as any.

Jacksonville at Pittsburgh (CBS): The Steelers continue their "Start as many different offensive lines as games played" streak. Rashard Mendenhall is rumored to return this week. The news was met with a resounding "[wanking off motion]" from fantasy owners everywhere.


What You're Watching

Via The 506. CBS (Late Games Included):



Please Rise for The (Taserless) National Anthem