Midnight Madness took place last weekend. Lots of people do insufferable things during Midnight Madness, and increasingly, they do those insufferable things on camera. This is no longer limited to a drunk sorority girl's iPhone filming from the upper deck, muffled by screams and excited shaking hands, because now Division I universities are using Social Media to appease the sorority girls and everyone else.
Unfortunately, someone told Duke's Social Media squadron about Auto-Tune, and specifically, about DJ Steve Porter, who often creates Auto-Tuned videos for SportsCenter using athlete press conferences (see here, here, and here). We're told by Steve Porter's representatives that Duke "commissioned" the DJ for the song; we're not sure how much they paid for it. But when you put two well-intentioned but insufferable things together, you get one very insufferable thing. With that logic, we present to you the insufferable "Duke Worldwide," featuring appearances by MasterCard and Nike.
Duke, playing catch-up to the NBA's own worldwide initiative, went to China and Dubai over the summer to play basketball and show off their new freshmen in their new pairs of Nikes. And then, playing catch-up to the Auto-Tune fad, they came back and created a song about it, and showed it at the school's annual "Countdown To Craziness"—right after all of the players emerged from a fake jet and walked down a fake tarmac while saluting their fans (this actually happened).
Coach K makes only a single appearance, at the very end, and we imagine that was by request. But he'll be pleased to hear that one of his freshman's chosen boasts is, "We really make a statement on the glass."
Somewhere in Durham this evening, a handful of frat bros will be warming up their shooting arms for a raucous evening of beer pong while listening to this song, and somewhere on a boat somewhere, T-Pain is shaking head and refilling his pimp cup with Nuvo and Hennessy and moaning, in a broken tone and to no one in particular, "How did it come to this?"