This week, we start with a celebration of creative vandalism. Tipster George H. will take it from there: "My son told me someone painted a dong on the St. Pete High student parking lot. The school then went out and covered the graffiti up with blacktop, resulting in the attached Google image shot of the school with dongs in parking lot."
Now, I'm not saying this is a call to action from sea to shining sea. I'm just asking questions. Like, how awesome would it be to have an image of a failed attempt at parking-lot de-donging posted regularly?
Wrightsville Beach Adam's girlfriend got this card for her 29th birthday. Lucky lady. Notes her manchild boyfriend, "It's the first dong I have seen that puts off a smoke trail."
Scott Yurgalevicz of the Yur Golf Swing Teaching Academy would like you to "enjoy" this photo from the Today Show.
Paul L. presents this "piece of coral I found in Puerto Rico. Coming out of the ocean after a long swim, there it was, staring me in the face. The coral dong."
Per Brett S., you totally know what you're getting if you draft Sun Devil Brock Osweiler.
LOOKS THERE'S SOMETHING THAT RESEMBLES A DONG IN A JEREMY LIN PICTURE BUT IS IT RAYCESS TO POINT THAT OUT IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE CALLING HIM A DONG!!1! (Or, as tipster Kodi put it: "Jeremy Lin doing yard work during the All-Star break, but what is that in his hands? A pole? Looks like he has a good grip.")
Per tipster Jake W., "Brandon Spikes recently trimmed his goatee into what I would consider a questionable outline. This is his Twitter avatar."
While driving back from a weekend in the Smokey Mountains, Mike G. discovered that someone thought it was funny to make a Native American look as if he had dongs for fingers.
When everybody else was worrying about Nicki Talentless Minaj's possible "wardrobe malfunction," @TheCaptainLou was quick to point out that one of NTM's dancers seemed to have a homage to dong on his skin.
Justin S. "found this on a friend's Facebook page who is traveling the world." The friend is globetrotting, not the Facebook page. "Figured it is either stalagmite dong (sweet) or Thing's dong from Fantastic Four (eh)." Nature's mysteries.
Chris from Cincinnati found this picture in his local paper. "I believe the 'dong in question' is actually supposed to be a stylized chef of some sort," he writes. "To me, it just looks like a dong going into an asshole." Well duh. It is a Mobil four-star establishment.
ZanderD had lunch at Ariel's Grotto in Disneyland. "They did not mention this in the tour guide," ZD noted.
Speaking of Dongsney, Ryan F. found this Valentine's Day card on which Minnie appears to be a blue dong. Slut.
"Allegedly," writes Andrew F. of something advertised as a Salvador Dali Le Cabinet Antropomorphique Bronze Sculpture, "that's a key." More like dongkey, amirite?
"Behold, the Cholula Dong. Delicious!" writes Tipster Tony.
Unfortunately, tipster Andrew W. offered absolutely no context for this submission.
Brad V. "went to a birthday party for a friend's one-year-old boy. These are the cookies that grandma made. My wife and I seemed to be the only ones that noticed. Everyone was stuffing these things in their mouths. They were quite tasty!" And just like that, Brad V. and Bride of Brad V. launched a new genre of erotic fan fic.
Wendy J. would like you to "behold the magnificent potato dong!" Girthy.
Jacob L. "noticed this floppy unintentional fenceboard dong while pitching a kickball to my 7-year-old in a friend's yard. I was mesmerized by the shockingly, troublingly well-placed birdshit, and the sad realization that that dong was cut from a tree some years ago and might have otherwise spend the next 100 years growing to become the largest organic unintentional dong in history. I was brought back to my senses when my friend's 6 year old daughter asking 'What are you staring at? Are we still playing kickball?' Yes. Kickball."
Brad S. from Flagstaff — who apparently drives a white truck — called this an Unintentional Dong Cleaners submission, and noted the "'Help Wanted' sign in the window."
Many a chicken dong gets submitted on a weekly basis. But, Lisa M.'s stood out because 1) it's from an order of "McDonald's chicken selects!" and 2) someone needed to tell Lisa that she ought keep up with the nail polishing a little better. I mean, Christ, this is an unintentional dong submission and you're going to roll into it looking like that?
Mitch H. "found this curb dong a couple weeks ago while my college baseball team was on a road trip to the asshole of California, a.k.a. Visalia."
Which is a perfect segue into Mike from Ventura, who was "watching Johnny Bravo and saw this. Unable to confirm whether or not his name was Dick Head or if that simply what Johnny called him." Mike sent this picture in three times. Johnny would call him Dick Head. A well-intentioned one, though. So, let's take it back.