Karen Sypher's new book, Guilty Until Proven Innocent: "The Karen Sypher Story," might be the most perfectly planned bestseller: it was released this month, just in time for a deep run for Louisville, and it's got a ton of rape, just like The Kite Runner.

First, let's talk that cover. Namely, what is up with that cover? Who is that child? Where did she get it? Is it an artist's rendering of Sypher's and Rick Pitino's aborted love child? Wouldn't a more appropriate cover photo be Sypher giving her lawyer a blowjob? (And here is where we point out that the book is titled Guilty Until Proven Innocent, a sentiment that would carry more weight if Sypher hadn't been proven guilty.) She's in the middle of seven-year prison sentence, which presumably gave her plenty of time to work on this self-published work, for now only available in E-Book form.

Sypher is famous for fucking Rick Pitino on the floor of an Italian restaurant, an encounter that lasted 15 seconds and resulted in conception, and a $5.5 million extortion bid. But Sypher's account of that evening goes a little differently. Let's quote from Chapter 4, "The Mafia Knight": (In the table of contents, it's "The Mafia Night.")

In the summer of 2003, not long after Karen's first rape by Rick Pitino, Karen received a call from Tomothy Sypher, The University of Louisville's men's team equipment manager. Ten days had passed since the rape at Porcini's. After the rape, Karen went to Walgreens and bought a pregnancy test. The test result was faint and light, but she knew she was pregnant.

Karen was upset. She was also confused, but she felt the need to tell Pitino about her situation. She found the card he had so casually left on her car seat after the rape. She dialed Pitino and told him she was pregnant. Karen had never been raped before and had never been in that situation.

It goes on like this for 226 pages.

Pitino denies he got Sypher pregnant, insisting he ejaculated "down my leg." And if this was the "first rape," we're not sure what the subsequent rapes entailed; the Kindle preview only gives us the first four chapters. But if you're so inclined to purchase the full thing, you'll be doing a mitzvah: "a percentage of book sales and donations will go to rape victims."

In the meantime, here's what we all came to see: Sypher when she was crazy and hot, instead of just crazy.

Hot off the presses: The Karen Sypher Story [Kentucky Sports Radio]