There was a lot of ranting to be done in 2012. Some of it was carried out by us, and some of it was carried out by people who may actually be crazy. Enjoy all the yelling.

The Hater's Guide To The Williams-Sonoma Catalog

You don't need any of this. Read »

The Hater's Guide To Notre Dame

Notre Dame is the college football team for people who don't like college football. Read »

Why Your Team Sucks

We previewed the 2012 NFL season by explaining in detail just why your team sucks. Read »

Michael Wilbon Is A Gutless, Starfucking Crybaby Troll

Holy shit, what a bleeding hemorrhoid. Read »

Pissed-Off College Student Leaves Greatest Voicemail Ever

We really hope they got her shit straight by the time she got the fuck up in there. Read »

Manny Ramirez's Dreads Will Cause Drug Use, Abortion, Gayness, Blindness, Fan Tells The A's Triple-A Affiliate In Insane Voicemail

Long hair and drugs. Two peas in a pod, obviously. Read »

"What In The Hell's Wrong With You?" Said The Tebow Fan To The Local TV Station

Disparage Tim Tebow, and you risk drawing the ire of this madwoman. Read »

Profane Rant By D-III Christian College's Golf Coach Is A Thing To Behold

It's the slow build that makes this rant so beautiful. Savor it. Read »

"Look At Me, Mr. Fucking Howdy Doody!": Wyoming Head Coach Goes On Hilarious Rant After Loss To Air Force

No fuckin' integrity. Read »

Jerry Seinfeld Is The Worst

Fuck Jerry Seinfeld. Read »

The Time Has Come For America's Flight Attendants To Shut Up


Summer Is The Goddamn Worst

Summer must be destroyed forever. Read »

The IRQ Car Decal: Noble Or Horrible?

The men and women serving in our armed forces are better than this trend. Come to think of it, aren't we all? Read »

Dear ESPN: Your Movie-Tie-In Promos Suck

It's brain dead. It's autodrone marketing at its fucking worst. Read »

Dear MSG And Time Warner Cable: Eat A Bag Of Salted Dicks

I don't know enough profanities to properly express how awful it is to not be able to watch my damn teams play their damn games. Read »

How To Crip Walk: A Guide To Serena Williams's Very American Gold Medal Celebration

Honky, please. The Crip Walk belongs to America now. Read »

Ken "Hawk" Harrelson Melts Down After White Sox Pitcher Ejected For Throwing Behind A Batter

The Hawk will always be baseball's most insufferable homer. Read »

Wally Backman Says "Fuck" 35 Times In Postgame Speech That Lasts Less Than Two Minutes

Never change, Wally. Watch »

James Jones Flopped, And It Sent Jeff Van Gundy On An Apoplectic Rant

Van Gundy has had enough, you guys! Read »

Twitter's Favorite Anonymous Sportswriter Has Some Thoughts On Bobby Knight's Latest Embarrassing Debacle

Fuck Bobby Knight. And if Dick Schaap was in any shape to do it, he'd have slapped his eyebrows off. Read »

This Is Now The Pittsburgh Pirates' Worst Season Ever

The losers stay losing. Read »

The AP Is Gay For Stupid

This kind of craven shit is how the weasels get invited into the national living room. This is how we get a little bit dumber. Read »

Dope Scandal: Why Is ESPN's Drugs-In-College-Football Story So Stupid?

What's happened to our sportswriters? Who the hell are these people? When did they turn into such a miserable bunch of freelance narcs? Read »

The NFL Sacrificed Three Weeks Of Games On The Altar Of Bullshit Ideological Purity

The mere existence of a defined-benefit retirement plan offended an ownership class that had looked around and seen that every other business owner in America had already broken that particular contract. Read »


The referee lockout may be over, but this still applies. Read »

Go Away Now, Pat Knight, You Loser, Bully, And Pathetic Rage-Case

It's a poor carpenter who blames his tools, Pat Knight. And you are one cruddy carpenter. Read »

Counterpoint: Ads On Jerseys Are Bush-League Crap, And If You Think They're OK, You're A Stooge

The Boston Celtics are an icon. The Boston Taco Bell/KFC Celtics would be a bunch of guys in green and pink and purple and red pajamas. It's not worth it. Read »

A Letter To Sports Illustrated's Thomas Lake: Stop Writing Smarmy Letters To Michael Jordan

This is the monstrousness that makes "magazine writer" a term of disparagement in some circles. Read »