Why do characters in video games get all the coolest toys? Y'know, raccoon suits, sonic booms, hyperdrive. Or a Nanosuit like the one in EA's Crysis 3 that provides armor, super strength, invisibility, and a means to interface with computers and weapons. Awesome in a video game, but don't you want it in real life? More specifically, don't you want to see it in sports?

Here's a little secret: you can already get some of that action.

Shrimp Bandages

Not only do they taste great in ceviche, but shrimp might just save you from bleeding to death. Their shells contain chitosan, a substance that is extremely effective at getting blood to clot. In fact, bandages made with it have been shown to be 30 times more effective than standard bandages when it comes to stopping bleeding. It was first adopted by the military, but pro basketball followed closely behind, which may be why you don't see as much blood on the court these days. They're also available over-the-counter now, but they're not Kosher, so if you're Orthodox, y'know, don't eat them.

Golf Ball-Inspired Tracksuit

Golf is not generally the first sport that jumps to mind when you hear the word "speed." It's probably not even the first when you hear the word "sport," but there is at least one very high-velocity element to golf: the ball. That sucker can fly. And part of the way it does that is by those dimples it's covered with. Those little dents create pockets with less wind drag. Nike, in its infinite wisdom, decided to make humans more like golf balls. The Nike Pro TurboSpeed tracksuit covers an athlete's body with hundred of dimples, which it claims can shave precious milliseconds off of a sprinter's time.

3D-Printed Shoes

"Oh, cool, you have a shoe with custom colors. I have a shoe that was custom shaped for each and every micro-weirdness in my foot." The day you can win a cool-shoe-off like this is closer than you think. Designed to Win is a soon-to-debut brand that makes 3D-printed shoes. Just 3D-scan your feet, and they will create a shoe that is tailored to your physiology and your event. They claim that their shoes will be the lightest running shoes every produced, shaving as much as 3% off a runner's time, which could mean the difference between a new world record and dead last.


Ice Vest

Sure, it looks like bubble-wrap for a cadaver, but get over it. This fancy-shmancy PreCool vest from Nike made for Olympic athletes is designed to keep your core temperature down. The inner layer is frozen water (what some might call "ice"), and the outer layer is reflective, to keep that cold in. Wear it for an hour before competition and it will take 21% longer for you to reach your maximum heat levels, which is where your muscles start doing things you don't want them to. In theory, this should keep marathoners (or people playing long-duration games) fresher, longer.

HUD Contact Lenses

Regular eyes are so 1940's. Eyes with a built-in heads-up display? Much better. We've already seen what Google is working on with Project Glass — glasses that will give you more situational awareness via a small, embedded screen, basically putting a smartphone in your eye. But for future athletes, let's ditch the frames. HUD contact lenses. Why not? They'd be able to recognize defensive formations that you may have missed, isolate an incoming ball so you can see it better, even zoom in on something in the distance. Power the things off with the salinity in your tears as you weep for your enemies. Why not?


Muscle Twitch Acceleration Probes

As long as we're making stuff up, how's about this? Tiny implants that cause a muscle to flex for all its worth. Controlled by a computer, they could be used to let lose bursts of incredible speed to avoid a tackle, or give you strength to break one. Fire your jump probes just in time to fly over your 6' 9" defender's head for the ultimate humiliation dunk. Would it be painful? Probably. Like an intense version of those ab-shocking pads. But hey, how bad do you want it?


Okay, maybe that's too much. Stopping short of implants, here's a virtually-realized suit that can do basically all of that stuff. It's called a Nanosuit, and, no, it's not diminutive in nature. It's the greatest tactical combat suit in the world. It can make you invisible, or switch into Armor mode when something menacing (aline hordes, anyone?) is flying your way. Plus, weapons like the Predator Bow, the alien Cell Plasma Gun, and the Typhoon (scared, yet?) are at your disposal. Imagine a whole field of dudes in Nanosuits brutalizing each other? Kind of the best sport ever, right? Maybe someday. Until then, you'll just have to live vicariously through Crysis 3.


Welcome to the future! Jump into that Nanosuit and customize it with different weapons, modules, and attachments for maximum effectiveness as you navigate through the Seven Wonders of the New York City Liberty Dome. EA's Crysis 3 hits stores today, February 19.