Cavaliers fan Tim Brady has sworn he will consume a long-frozen Mark Price chocolate bar if Cleveland wins an NBA title. We can tell him from personal experience that this is a very bad idea.
Mark Price himself took notice:
The taste was most certainly not built to last. A couple of years ago, we attempted to eat a 1993 Mark Price Bar (along with five other old-ass athlete candy bars). It went poorly:
We knew that something was amiss when we realized that this candy bar was coated in a greasy sheen. Slid across the table, it left an oily slug trail in its wake.
The caramel and chocolate were repugnant, but the presence of pecans added an extra layer of horror. After just a few tiny bites, we were lunging for the waste basket, spitting and hacking the masticated concoction out of our mouths. Spectators wanted us to try a second helping. “Nope. Nuh uh. No. Fuck me. Nope!”
It may not have been much better 22 years ago. Price chowed down on his eponymous bar at an introductory press conference—then missed the next day’s practice with a stomach virus.
Below, our taste test of six decades-old athlete chocolate bars. Don’t ever do this.