Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

Balls, Ranked

God has blessed us with so many balls. Here they all are, definitively ranked from worst to best.

43. Hair/Fuzz

No thanks / Via elbud/Shutterstock
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42. Gum

I’d rather a stick, honestly / Sylvie Bouchard/Shutterstock

41. Times Square

Who cares? / via Getty.
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40. Foos

Way too small / Oleg Malyshev/Shutterstock.
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39. Billiard

Hard and stressful / via Getty
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38. State University

If you like this sort of thing, I guess / via Ball State University
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37. Yarn

Good for sweaters and cats, nothing else / via Nataliia K./Shutterstock
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36. of the Foot

These are helpful / via Piotr Marcinski/Shutterstock
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35. Rugby

All wrong / via Getty
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34. Australian Rules Foot

Hm / via Getty
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33. Cricket

What even / via Getty
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32. Paddle

Eh / via Mega Pixel/Shutterstock
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31. Power

Potentially great / via karenfoleyphotography/Shutterstock
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30. Exercise

We’ll see / via Edler von Rabenstein/Shutterstock
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29. Stress

Pretty good / via Obak/Shutterstock
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28. Male (Testes)

I get it, but I wish I didn’t have to / via elbud/Shutterstock
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27. Golf

Nice to hold / via Getty
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26. Magic “8"

Good for knowledge / via Kostsov/Shutterstock
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25. Crystal

Also good for knowledge / via Phil McDonald/Shutterstock
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24. Wiffle

Easier to hit / via Getty
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23. Shuttlecock

Bouncy with a great name / via Getty
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22. Skee

Pretty fun / via AP
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21. Debutante

Good for becoming a woman / via AP
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20. Beach

Light / via Stepan Bormotov/Shutterstock
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19. Koosh

Feels good between fingers / via Stephen Bonk/Shutterstock
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18. Foot

People like this / via Getty
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17. Medicine

Satisfying heft / via Getty
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16. Soccer

Kickable / via Getty
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15. Marble

Nice to steal / via Getty
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14. Ping Pong

So many uses / via Getty
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13. Lacrosse

A nice weight / via Getty
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12. Soft

A little big for my hand, but my hands are small / via Getty
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11. Lucille

An American icon / via Getty
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10. Water Polo

Unexpectedly airy / via Getty
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9. Bowling

Just great / via Getty
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8. Kick

Bouncy and wonderful / via Getty
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7. Volley

The only sport I could ever play / via Getty
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6. Tennis

Damn, yes / via Getty
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5. Basket

So many possibilities / via Getty
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4. Base

Iconically American / via Getty
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3. Met Costume

Stunning / via Getty
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2. Meat

Delicious / via Getty
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1. Super

Wow / via Wikimedia
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Images via AP, Getty, and Shutterstock; Top image via dslaven/Shutterstock.

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