Photo credit: Stu Forster/Getty

I am not from Britain, nor have I ever visited, nor do I have any particular affinity for tea or meat pies or passive-aggressiveness. I do, however, watch a lot of soccer, and have recently learned how to correctly pronounce the word “twat,” so I feel comfortable watching this superbly narrated lowlight reel of Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain’s woeful performance yesterday and saying in a terrible-but-almost-halfway-believable English accent, “Oy, this bloke really cocked-up his appearance in the footie match, the bloody bell-end!”

It’s still early in his Liverpool career, but unless he turns it around soon, Ox will learn that there’s less room to blame your poor performances on the shitty management structure in Liverpool than there was at Arsenal. Good day, guv’nah!