It's Mutton Bustin' Chaos In Houston
The Texans and Jaguars don’t kick off until 1 p.m. EST today, but the hair-raising action is well underway in Houston.…
Dunking, Autofellating Otter At Oregon Zoo Dies At 20
Eddie, a sea otter at the Oregon Zoo, died this morning, as reported by the Oregonian. He was 20, a remarkably old age…
The Sports Highlight Of The Day Is This Little Cat Launching A Sneak Attack
Kittens are cute. So cute, in fact, that it can seem unimaginable they would be capable of hatching diabolical plots…
Udonis Haslem Sues Animal Hospital For Denying Him His Rightful Dog Semen
Longtime Miami Heat big man Udonis Haslem—present tense, as Haslem is still on the active roster despite averaging less…
Good Dog Throws A Mean Alley-Oop
Max Pearce is an extremely good dunker. He participated in the 2018 College Dunk Contest, where he threw down a…
New Madrid Keeper Thibaut Courtois Apologizes For Singing Song About Real Madrid Fans Fucking Kangaroos
Before he was the regular goalkeeper at Chelsea, Thibaut Courtois was the number one at Atletico Madrid when they burst…
Yeah, That's A Goddamn Moth In An Umpire's Ear
Gahhhhh. This is an awful thing that should never happen—with any living creature, not just a dusty flying bug—but…
Let The Escaped Animals Just Be Wild Animals
The law should be: Once an escaped non-pet animal has been on the loose long enough for the local news to show up and…
Goats On The Lam
This morning, residents in Boise, Idaho, woke up to approximately 75 marauding goats roaming from house to house,…
Wallace, The Good And Humble Mule, Defeats Fancy Dressage Horses At Their Own Game
Wallace is an 11-year-old mule who used to annoy Irish villagers by eating their flowers. After a lengthy battle over…
The World's Ugliest Dog Is Dead, Probably Not Of Ugliness
Weeks after being crowned the World’s Ugliest Dog, 9-year-old bulldog Zsa Zsa died Tuesday. She was assassinated while…
I Am Not Superstitious, But Japan Definitely Lost Because Its Psychic Octopus With A Perfect Record Was Killed, Sold, And Eaten
Belgium’s round-of-16 win over Japan was a shocker, with the Red Devils coming back from an 0-2 second-half hole to win…
This Is The World's Ugliest Dog
The Sonoma-Marin Fair hosted its annual World’s Ugliest Dog Contest this past weekend, and no pooch could beat out Zsa…
Hear Radamel Falcao's Goal Called In A Dozen Different Languages
The passion is truly universal.
Kangaroo On The Field Is Great At Running, Atrocious At Kicking The Ball
This here kangaroo showed up to an Australian women’s Premier League match over the weekend and put together an…
Achilles The Psychic Cat Picks Russia To Win World Cup Match Because He Knows Where His Mice Are Buttered
Happy World Cup day! The real competition begins today. Not the soccer; the psychic animals.
Gator, Tied Up And Pissed Off, Owns The Hell Out Of His Asshole Captors
Do the best you can with what you have—it’s an old idiom, and one that is particularly useful when it comes to…
Silly Baseball Goose Goes To Better Place
The silly goose that bonked itself to hell in Wednesday’s Angels-Tigers game has now supposedly been released into the…
Loose Goose At Tigers Game Chased Off The Field And Into A World Of Pain
There was a cool-seeming goose hanging around the field in Detroit during a break in tonight’s Angels-Tigers game, and…