Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Illustration for article titled Did Venus Go Commando?

The most pressing question of our time is, naturally, was Venus Williams wearing underwear at the Australian Open yesterday? We dig deep, breaking down the footage, to give you a definitive answer.

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Illustration for article titled Did Venus Go Commando?

As Venus takes the court for her match against Lucie Safarova, we can't help but notice the front slit on the tennis skirt. Good for mobility, but revealing. That's an awful lot of uncovered leg, but is that a hint of fabric at at the top? Let's go to the match action.

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Illustration for article titled Did Venus Go Commando?

Much like during an occultation, the moon of Venus is obscured by shadow, but enough definition appears to make out a valley. Let's go in for a closer look.

Illustration for article titled Did Venus Go Commando?

Cheeks are clearly present, in stark relief.

Illustration for article titled Did Venus Go Commando?
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There's something off about the ever-telling crack. It's not as well-defined as it ought to be. Almost as if some sheer material is obscuring it. We need to check out the front to be sure.

Illustration for article titled Did Venus Go Commando?
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Venus almost does us a favor by refusing to cross her ankles like a lady, but is unwilling to completely aid in our investigation due to a well-played towel.

Illustration for article titled Did Venus Go Commando?
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I think I see daylight!

Illustration for article titled Did Venus Go Commando?
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A curious fact: there are no bra or panty lines showing, indicating they are either not present, or are combined into a single undergarment.

Illustration for article titled Did Venus Go Commando?
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And bingo. A sheer, nearly skin-colored garment covers Venus's upper shame, and we are forced to conclude, lower shame as well. A strapless bodysuit with a thong bottom would neatly explain everything we have seen.

So there you have it: Venus wore underwear. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go shower off the stink of "journalism."

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