If you've hung around the site for the past week, you're well aware that the Book-Whore-O-Bot 5000 has been booted up to help raise awareness for this book. I know this can be annoying. I know that, by the end of this week, you'll be like: "God, I'm so sick of that Drew. He can go fall off a fucking cliff. HIM AND THAT LENA DUNHAM LADY!" But today's the day you finally get to read the thing, so I promise that the Drewkakke will abate shortly after I hit my peak of #407 on the Amazon sales chart (#1 in the Nonfiction>How-To>Parenting>Parenting Books Written By Deadspin People subcategory!). Here are your reading options...
• If you like reading books printed on regular-ass paper, go to, like, a bookstore. They'll have it. If they don't have it, let me know and I will personally have that store ransacked and burned to the ground.
• If you like reading books that are e-books because you lack proper reverence for the texture of the printed page, the smell of fresh perfect binding, and the authority of text pressed in ink, YOU UNROMANTIC SWINE ... go here or here or here.
• If you live in Austin or Chicago or New York or Boston or DC and want to buy the book at a reading and witness how pasty I am in person, go here.
• If you like ingesting books through your ears, there IS an audiobook, narrated by me. The link should go up at Audible.com by 6 p.m. today. I'll post the link when it goes up.
• If you're like, "Whoa hey, how do I know this book isn't a piece of shit?" you can read reviews here. I don't want you spending your money on a piece of shit.
I know the word "memoir" is enough to send people screaming for the hills. But if you like the Dadspin posts or the old FKS site, chances are this is the book for you. As always, I tried my best to write the most entertaining, involving book I possibly could. It's up to you to decide whether or not I pulled it off.
OK, let's get into the Funbag below.
Drew Magary writes for Deadspin and Gawker. He's also a correspondent for GQ. Follow him on Twitter @drewmagary and email him at email@example.com. You can also buy Drew's new book, Someone Could Get Hurt, through his homepage.