Now that the Giants have fired Ben McAdoo, someone else has to be the spiritual successor to Jim Tomsula, a former doormat salesman whose figurative and literal hunger earned him exactly one season leading the 49ers, but oh, what a season it was. Jaguars coach Doug Marrone already seems like a viable candidate to fill the role, given his affinity for lonely bologna sandwiches.
Marrone had casually mentioned his postgame self-care ritual of eating a bologna sandwich regardless of the outcome, so ESPN’s Michael DiRocco dug into that for a story over the weekend. It shouldn’t come as a surprise than an NFL coach has a simple, almost childlike proclivity, since they’re all like that, but Marrone’s preferred combination is white bread, American cheese, spicy mustard, and bologna—and NOT whatever poor excuse Oscar Mayer passes off as bologna, but the genuine sliced stuff.
This quote, specifically, is why Marrone could be the next Tomsula:
“When I was in college at Syracuse, I remember people saying, ‘My God! How can you eat bologna?’” Marrone said. “And I always like bologna because bologna, you never have to throw it out. In other words, if it’s in the refrigerator and you get a little film on it, then you just fry it and it tastes just as good.”
This one’s also really good, because it reveals that Marrone’s ideal way to relax is by eating vague deli meats, with a glass of milk, by himself:
“I don’t like people talking to me when I eat,” Marrone said. “I’m not a sharer. I don’t share food, you know what I’m saying? I always tell people, if you [want] to share, you’ve got to order your own. That’s just how it is. That’s the truth.”
After the Jaguars’ 30-10 win over the Colts on Sunday, Marrone was asked whether the large margin of victory called for even more bologna. He groused about how he’s had to go out to eat dinner recently because of guests at his house, but he did get sneak in some bologna time the night before.
“I was thinking about you guys last night,” Marrone said. “There was a little brown on the bologna, you know, because after a while it gets a little late, and I was like, ‘Shit, I’m gonna eat it anyway. I don’t care.’ Normally I fry it but I was too damn hungry.”
Jimmy T. would be proud of that sustainability.