Football Page 791 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
That Super Bowl Was Everything Anyone Could Have Asked For
Last night, the Philadelphia Eagles scored a fourth-down touchdown with one of the most inventive plays in modern Super Bowl history, averaged over six yards per rush, and punted just once. Yet they were somehow, statistically speaking, the Super Bowl’s second-best offense. Tom Brady’s 505 passing y...
Upon Further Review, The NFL Dodged A Bullet
Thank god for Brandon Graham. It was his effectively game-sealing strip-sack of Tom Brady—an actual, incontrovertible football play, a display of the kind of strength and athleticism and determination that bring us to the sport in the first place, a moment for which there was no reason to doubt your...
Performance Isn't Tied To Morality, EXCEPT FOR THE WORLD CHAMPION PHILADELPHIA EAGLES<em></em>
Be a happy and honest sports fan with this one simple trick: understand that moral values have nothing to do with on-field performance. That’s a foundational principle of this website, as far as I can tell, but abiding by it will stop you from making mistakes that have nothing to do with sports. It ...
Enter The Fucktomb
Philadelphians pose atop a garbage truck after struggling with their kerning, following the Eagles’ Super Bowl win over the Patriots. Photo by Aaron P. Bernstein/Getty Images....
HEY, PATRIOTS! FUCK YOU IN THE FACE!<em></em>
There is never a guarantee you’ll get a Patriots Schadenfreude Day. There are years when they win a Super Bowl and you just gotta sit there with gritted teeth while Brian O’Brian from Dickchester hoots and hollers and flashes imaginary rings and celebrates yet another Pats Super Bowl win by blinding...
Things Philadelphians Did
Here are some things Philadelphians did after the Eagles won the Super bowl:...
I Spent A Lifetime Never Expecting This
MINNEAPOLIS — It was hard to tell what happened....
Where The Hell Was Malcolm Butler?
Malcolm Butler, the hero of Super Bowl 49 and starting cornerback for the Patriots all season, wasn’t on the field for any defensive snaps as New England lost 41-33 to the Eagles in Super Bowl 52. If you have an answer for why: Please get in touch, Bill Belichick....
Eagles Fan Takes Enormous Bite Of Horse Shit
There is either something wrong with me or something wrong with this man, because I have never been so happy about anything that I thought it would be a good idea to get a heaping mouthful of horse manure, and I don’t think there’s something wrong with me....
The Saga Of The Awning
Please be safe out there....
America, Please Enjoy These Photos Of Tom Brady
There will be plenty of time tomorrow to break down the big plays and big decisions of tonight’s 41-33 Eagles Super Bowl win. For now, let’s be content to bask in the photographic record. We as a country may have finally turned a corner....
Holy Crap, The Eagles Won The Super Bowl
Underdogs in every playoff game they played, the Philadelphia Eagles just won the fucking Super Bowl. Their first ever. I still can’t really believe it. Neither can Tom Brady up there....
City Of Philadelphia Deploys Advanced Pole-Greasing Tactics
The battle between Philadelphia and its rowdy, pole-climbing residents has entered a new stage. Before the NFC title game, the city went about trying to prevent celebrating Eagles fans from scaling light poles by slathering them in Crisco. It didn’t work, and last week the city seemed to accept defe...
A Guide To Bootleg Eagles Super Bowl T-Shirts
I actually remember the first Eagles bootleg t-shirt I got. I got it from a guy at Grant and Academy, back before Herb Denenberg blew apart the soft pretzel industry and there were guys selling pretzels and bootleg tees at every major intersection. In my memory it was high-quality and looked legit, ...
Eagles Fans Are Absurdly Confident
MINNEAPOLIS — Talk to them in Philadelphia. Talk to them in Minneapolis. Talk to Eagles fans wherever they are, and they say one thing: The Eagles are going to win the Super Bowl....
Randy Moss, Terrell Owens, Ray Lewis, Brian Urlacher, Brian Dawkins Among 2018 Pro Football Hall Of Fame Class
The 2018 Pro Football Hall of Fame induction class will include some of the biggest names of the era as we learn tonight from Adam Schefter that Randy Moss, Terrell Owens, Ray Lewis, Brian Urlacher, and Brian Dawkins have earned enshrinement....
Airport Security Will Need To Check Your Super Bowl Program Separately
MINNEAPOLIS — Travelers for the Super Bowl continue to stream into Minneapolis-Saint Paul International Airport. They’re being greeted by a sign that informs them of the dangers of the Super Bowl program....
What Time Does 'What Time Does The Super Bowl Start?' Start?
Time is a social construct cooked up by humankind to impose some modicum of order onto an otherwise chaotic existence. But with that said, Super Bowl 52 will kick off this weekend. At some point. Who will win “the big game”? That’s not for me to say. What time does it start? Now there’s a good quest...