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It's raining like hell outside today, which I think is God's way of telling me that he wants me to stay inside and watch the NBA Playoffs, all freaking day long. MJD abides. Elsewhere on your picture box:

1:00, ESPNU: College Lacrosse. UMass @ Georgetown. For those of you who are seeking the purity in lacrosse.

1:00, NFL Network: NFL Europe. Berlin Thunder @ Frankfurt Galaxy. I think that damn near every NFL Europe team name could also double as one of these nicknames for a disgusting sexual manuever, like "Cleveland Steamer" or "Cincinnati Bow Tie." I can't wait to unleash the Berlin Thunder on someone. Also, I wonder if I'll get in trouble for this post. You can't just go around saying "Cleveland Steamer" without some sort of repercussions.

1:00, ABC: Golf. Liberty Mutual Legends of Golf, Second Round. If anyone gets drunk today and has a great time watching seniors golf, I absolutely have to know about it.

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2:00, CBS: Cheerleading. Chick-fil-A National Cheer and Dance Competition. I'm just curious... exactly who are they cheering for, and exactly who are they leading in cheers?

3:00, CBS: Golf. Shell Houston Open, Third Round. Someone named "Tag Ridings" is in contention, and there's just no way that he hasn't at least considered starring in adult films.

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3:00, ABC: NBA. Washington Wizards @ Cleveland Cavaliers. LeBron's playoff debut. This is the kind of thing that it just might be important to see.

3:00, NBC: NHL. New York Rangers @ New Jersey Devils or Colorado Avalanche @ Dallas Stars. DAVE'S A KILLER. Dave's a mess.

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4:00, ESPN2: MLS. D.C. United @ New York Red Bulls. How much Red Bull do you think the Red Bulls team goes through in the course of a gameday? 3 or 4 cans per person?

5:30, ESPN: NBA. Sacramento Kings @ San Antonio Spurs. What if the Kings let Artest guard Tim Duncan, and he just starts kicking, stomping, punching, and biting Duncan's bad ankle? There's really no good reason why Rick Adleman wouldn't consider it.

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8:00, ESPN: NBA. Chicago Bulls @ Miami Heat. ESPN's giving the game the "full circle" treatment, which is something I always have to pay extra for at the massage parlor. ESPN has normal coverage, ESPN2 has an "Above the Rim" view, and there's also some garbage on ESPN 360, ESPN Radio, and ESPN.com that I doubt anyone I know will even glance at.

10:30, ESPN: NBA. Denver Nuggets @ LA Clippers. You wanted the Nugs, Clippers? You got 'em. Lost in the hype of LeBron playing his first playoff game, this is also Elton Brand's first playoff game, too.