Crazy-eyed butter-marm Paula Deen took to The Today Show this morning, ostensibly to talk about life lessons and learnin' from mah mistakes, yawl and other such nonsense, but really to promote her dumber-than-hell ill-conceived new subscription-based online network.

Of course, in order to provide cover for however many sad old people will fork over some of their retirement savings to watch a rerun of this gross, creepy, disingenuous old huckster mixing sugar and fat on TV, these promotional appearances are required to take the form of a Famous Brand-Person Redemption and Penance Tour. And so we get host Matt Lauer asking Paula how she feeeeeeels watching a short video summary of her legal and PR troubles over the past year or so, and her working like hell to sell us on some "It wasn't me, it was the one-armed man!" shit.

Which, whatever. The whole thing is bullshit heaped on (pecan and brown-sugar-glazed) bullshit: The people who will fall for this "Ah don't evin reckinahz that wummin, it ain't me, yawl" act are the same people who were defending Paula Deen in the first place, and the same people for whom defending Deen was never as much about vindicating her personally as it was about fending off some imaginary incursion of the PC Thought Police, yawl against the equally imaginary freedom of white people to say whatever racist shit they want without fear of social consequences. So long as Paula Deen and The Today Show pull off just enough performative bridge-repairing to inoculate future guest segments against charges of indifference to racism, they've both done their jobs, and she can come around every now and then to talk up her dumb network while demonstrating how to coat meatballs in crushed Frosted Flakes and poach them in rendered lard.

Well, shit. This has been a bummer. Let's go look at boner dog some more.

[today.com]