Earlier this week, I solicited entries for our upcoming GREAT MOMENTS IN BEING CAUGHT JERKING OFF. And there were many fine submissions, but one anonymous reader sent in this blind item—totally unverified but amusing nonetheless—that deserves to stand on its own. Take it away, sir…
I was a sophomore in college when it happened, and it was during a winter school term where only about 30% of students were actually on campus. This 30% included the basketball team, of which both a future NBA coach and I were members. Current NBA Coach and I, along with a large percentage of the basketball team, were also in the same Fraternity, and so we lived in the house together.
With no real classes to attend, and only practices and a few games to be played, we tended to spend a lot of our free time playing video games, drinking, and just being college-aged idiots. Additionally, for reasons that I cannot recall, I was somehow in possession of what was considered to be the best porno movie in the house. This was a video that was passed around and borrowed by all, but generally resided in my crappy fraternity-house room.
Towards the end of the night, Current NBA Coach comes up to me and says something along the lines of "Hey, is that Porno in your room still?", to which I tell him that it just so happens to be in the VCR at the time (I wasn't having much luck with the ladies lately, apparently). I tell him to go ahead and grab it...but he sort of sheepishly tells me that there are a bunch of people in his room, he wants to go to bed, but he really wants to "take one out of the chamber" before doing so, and can he use my room for a little bit to take care of things.
Typically I don't think I'd get on board for something like this, but I tell him sure, why not, and he goes in and locks the door. About 5 minutes later I run into another teammate of ours and he asks if I've seen Current NBA Coach around. There must have been a split second where I had to choose between "Nope, haven't seen him" to "Oh yeah, he's in my room beating off"...and maybe it was the booze talking, but I chose the latter option.
Right after I utter that statement, a huge smile appears on my friend's face, and he asks me how long it's been, to which I tell him "about 5 minutes". He then asks me if I still have the spare key "hidden" up in the ceiling tile. After stating that yes, I do indeed have it up there still...we sort of non-verbally agree that we're going to bust him jerking off.
We quietly approach the outside of my door, and I pop the tile up, and take down the key. After I slide the key in, I look back at him one more time to see if he's still game, and he just smiles and nods. So, with no real plan in place, I quietly turn the key, twist the knob, and the two of us just bust into the room, screaming/laughing, not sure what to expect.
There in the room is Current NBA Coach. He has the porno playing with the volume on, to be expected. What caught us off guard is that he is kneeling on the ground about 4 feet from the TV, with a bottle of lotion on the floor next to one of his legs, the VCR remote on the floor next to the other, and a row of paper towels lined up in front of him, like some sort of spunk runway / landing strip...and he's just going to town on his hog like there's no tomorrow.
The look on his face was unbelievable, and I am not sure who was more surprised, him seeing us, or us seeing him in his preferred method of self-pleasure (I've never been a kneel-down guy, so it was very odd to me). Since we didn't really have any plan of action after "catch him jerking off", my teammate and I just sort of looked at each other, looked at Current NBA Coach, and laughed our asses off as we took off, slamming the door behind us.
To this day I am not sure whether or not he finished, or if he went to bed with a case of blue balls. But I'll never forget the look on his face that night. And it is impossible to watch a game that he is coaching, or him in a press-conference or on the news, and not just have a little laugh and think back to the time that I caught a Current NBA Coach jerking off.
God, college guys are the worst. Please don't barge in on your friends jerking off. POOR NBA COACH IS JUST TRYING TO FIND SOME OPEN SPOTS ON THE FLOOR.
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