Idiots of the Month: The worst of June

Welcome to another action-packed edition of Deadspin’s IDIOT OF THE MONTH! From anti-vax nonsense to “sticky stuff” stupidity to Florida, we’re your one-stop shop for schadenfreude in and around the world of professional athletics. So, with that in mind, let’s offer a quick round of applause to one special spectator who lived the dream this past June: Becoming part of the story. That’s right, it’s the Tour de France fan who caused a massive crash by holding a cardboard sign out into the road! The cycling enthusiast, according to reports, simply wanted to give a shoutout to her grandparents. What ensued, however, was a — how do you say — sandwich de merde. Riders were injured. Others were justifiably furious. All that blood doping hard work, undone in a flash over something so ridiculous. The fan was said to have fled the country, only to be arrested days later in the same French town where the first stage of the tour wrapped up. The competition only got more dangerous from there. Just bad and stupid all around. Ugh.

You know you’re an idiot when Brett Kavanaugh and the rest of the Supreme Court of the United States roast your terrible business model in a 9-0 decision.

In the middle of the month, the highest court in the land unanimously ruled that the NCAA couldn’t prohibit education-related compensation to its workers. The decision could finally open the door to college athletes receiving a salary.

“The NCAA is not above the law,” wrote Kavanaugh — not exactly a liberal lion — in his concurring opinion. “The NCAA couches its arguments for not paying student athletes in innocuous labels. But the labels cannot disguise the reality: The NCAA’s business model would be flatly illegal in almost any other industry in America.”

And we… couldn’t agree more. P.J. and Squee would be proud.

Sometimes, our IDIOT OF THE MONTH lands on someone, rather than them crashing through the ceiling into the apartment. There was little choice, although much like Martin Blank tells his therapist: “If I show up at your door, chances are you did something to put me there.”

There was no escape for Cole when asked if he had ever used the sticky stuff Spider Tack, which was a position all MLB pitchers had put themselves in. He obviously couldn’t just say yes, although what the punishments might have been for admitting something everyone knew off the field, and not continuing to use it on the field, were unclear.

Once Cole chose the vagueness route, he had to do a gymnastic routine that would have had most back-up dancers throwing up their hands in confusion. He sprayed to all fields, pulling whatever lever would cause a big enough distraction to let him squirrel away amongst the smoke. Cole is clearly one of many who got themselves here, and while MLB certainly has handled this all with their usual jackhammer touch, Cole can’t say he didn’t have a hand in his own idiot behavior.

“Florida Man is responsible for a percentage of abnormal incidents that occur in Florida. Think of him as an alt-right Johnny Appleseed. No one knows his true identity, date of birth, what he looks like. That’s why headlines always say Florida Man.” - Atlanta, Season 2, Episode 1

Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis just made it harder for schools in his state that play in the SEC and ACC to recruit Black athletes. He recently signed a law that requires students and faculty of public universities in Florida to be surveyed as to their political beliefs. He’s also against Critical Race Theory, that bans trans girls from playing on public school teams that the Right claims are intended only for cisgender girls, and Name, Image, and Likeness legislation still technically isn’t ready to go live in the state on July 1, when it will take effect elsewhere.

Ron DeSantis is Florida Man.

If you’re in western New York, you might want to steer clear of anyone in a No. 11 Cole Beasley jersey, because that’s a decent sign that the person wearing it is supporting the deadly idiocy of vaccine denial.

Grabbing the torch of anti-vax stupidity in Buffalo from Rachel Bush, the wife of his teammate Jordan Poyer, Beasley complained on June 17 via Twitter:

“The players association is a joke. Call it something different. It’s not for the players. Everyone gives me the 98 percent of people who are vaccinated don’t get covid again. The odds of me getting in the NFL and playing for 10 years are lower than that and I’m here.”

The logic of this is dizzying. Is Beasley saying that because he’s a natural odds beater, he would get COVID even if he got the vaccine, and that’s why he doesn’t want it? Actually, don’t even bother trying to parse it, because the next day, Beasley explained himself — sort of — in a Notes app tweet.

“I may die of covid, but I’d rather be actually living,” Beasley wrote.

That makes no sense whatsoever. Just… get the shot. Like you got the polio vaccine. And the measles vaccine. And lots of other inoculations that help prevent what we like to call “preventable illnesses.”

“I’m not going to take meds for a leg that isn’t broken,” Beasley wrote.

Okay, but do you wear pads to help prevent broken bones? Yes? That’s what vaccines do!

“I’d rather take my chances with Covid and build up my immunity that way,” Beasley wrote. “Eat better. Drink water. Exercise and do what I think is necessary to be a healthy individual.”

You don’t build up your immunity by exposing yourself to large concentrations of a virus. Eating better, drinking water, and exercising all are great, but they have nothing to do with the novel coronavirus, which has killed more than 600,000 people in the United States.

“That is MY CHOICE based on MY experiences and what I think is best,” Beasley wrote.

Cool. If you make YOUR CHOICE to not wear a helmet on the field based on YOUR experiences and what YOU think is best, the National Football League will tell YOU to GET LOST because you’re clearly a danger to yourself.

It takes a real idiot not to grasp this by now. Cole Beasley is that idiot.