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Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

Inside Randle El's Contract Negotiations

This image was lost some time after publication.
This image was lost some time after publication.

A conversation between Pittsburgh Steelers wide receiver Antwaan Randle El and God, which, regardless of your religious beliefs or predispositions, will serve here as a term used to denote the ultimate reality which pertains to all known existence.


Randle El: Woo-hoo! I love you, God!
God: Thank you. I love you too, My son. Congratulations on the Super Bowl.
Randle El: Thanks, man!
God: So, I read the paper today. Says you're planning on consulting Me on your upcoming unrestricted free agency. You said, "I am not sure if this is where God wants me to continue to be or if he wants me to go elsewhere. I just have to keep praying about it."
Randle El: Totally! Through Your grace I am cleansed and replenished.
God: Well, I've been thinking, you've gotta think about resigning with Pittsburgh. Sure, the open market is going to give you plenty of options, but I think My grace should provide at least three years, $21 million, $15 million signing ponus. Easy. That's minimum.
Randle El: Thanks, God! Your will be done. Think endorsements should stay strong?
God: There should be improvement, particularly if you can get hooked up with (giggles) Roethlisberger ... that guy's (snort) pretty awesome.
Randle El: Hey ... is that you Big Ben?
Roethlisberger: Aw, yeah, I'm busted. Sorry, man, I couldn't help it: I'm totally wasted! Gotcha!
Randle El: You got me. That was the best joke that will damn you to eternal damnation I've heard all week.
Roethlisberger: Rock. Oh, but seriously, you should stay.
Randle El: I'll have to pray on it. Here, I'll try again. God, I come before you ...
God: Please, I'm begging you: Leave Me alone. I'm terribly busy; you have no idea how difficult a negotiator Belichick is.


Bible Is The "Game Plan Of Life" [Pittsburgh Post Gazette]

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